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Here Are the Lyrics to Randy Newman’s Unreleased Song About Donald Trump’s Dick

In an excellent interview with Vulture’s David Marchese, the ever-articulate, self-effacing and perfectly cynical Randy Newman opened up about a great many things: his “Putin” song from last year, his film-scoring ethos, working with the Eagles, and how Harry Nilsson was so chronically nice that he let him win at ping-pong. But the singer-songwriter and composer also spilled the beans on a secret many Newman devotees were likely dying to know the answer to: Had Newman, a specialist in character studies of misguided and often foolish individuals, written a song from perspective of Trump, a shoe-in for a post-Good-Old-Boys Newman protagonist?

In fact, Randy had, but he thought it “was too easy,” which is understandable. The lyrics, he told Marchese, went along these lines:

My dick’s bigger than your dick / It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true / My dick’s bigger than your dick / I can prove it too / There it is! There’s my dick / Isn’t that a wonderful sight? / Run to the village, to town, to the countryside / Tell the people what you’ve seen here tonight

Newman, the consummate self-editor, decided that he “didn’t want to add to the problem of how ugly the conversation we’re all having is” and left it in the vault. But it’s still funny as hell.

Dark Matter, Newman’s first album in nine years, is out August 4 on Nonesuch; yesterday, he released its second single, “Sonny Boy,” written from the perspective of bluesman Sonny Boy Williamson I. Read the full Vulture interview here.