Did you go to Walmart this week? What were you looking for? A 64-pack of paper towels? A rifle? The sudden realization that your teen idols will never again carry the glow of youth and creativity they once did? Well, you were in luck: Yesterday, Bud Light Platinum enthusiast Justin Timberlake, once hailed for bringing sexy back, premiered the soundtrack to Trolls, an animated film based on a fad toy, at Walmart. At every Walmart.
Trolls: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack debuted “in all 3,900 Walmart stores across their in-house radio station, Walmart Radio,” Sony/RCA said in a press release. (Not to nitpick, but: there are actually only 3,868 U.S. Walmarts.) Walmart Radio, yes, is a real station—it’s played in every Walmart store since 2015. It even has real human DJs, plucked from the ranks of ordinary Walmart employees, who probably never get a chance to premiere much of anything.
If you didn’t shop at Walmart yesterday, you aren’t missing much. You’ve almost certainly already heard Timberlake’s lead single, the insipid “Can’t Stop the Feeling.” But have you heard the remix, featuring the backing vocals of his Trolls co-stars James Corden, Zooey Deschanel, Anna Kendrick, and Gwen Stefani? That’s four more unstoppable feelings.
There’s also “What U Workin’ With?,” a Stefani/Timberlake collab.
True story: I’ve abandoned brick-and-mortar stores mid-purchase because “Can’t Stop the Feeling” came on. No material item is worth getting that thing stuck in my head. Its success as a #1 single doesn’t change the fact that this whole endeavor should be beneath the Timberlakes and Stefanis of this world.
The worst part, honestly, is that Trolls isn’t even out yet; this dumb movie doesn’t even hit theaters until November 2. That’s five and a half more weeks of “Can’t Stop the Feeling” on the radio, and then you’re going to end up seeing the movie with your baby cousins over Thanksgiving weekend and you’ll have to hear the whole soundtrack in action. Prepare yourself.