Much has been made of Rick Ross’ recent weight loss (he looks about 100 pounds lighter on Instagram), and now the rapper wants to share his patented method for slimming down with you. It’s called “RossFit,” and in a new Funny or Die video Da Boss explains what makes the routine work. First, you need to “get those neck muscles flexing by wearing the thickest chains — like a hood billionaire would.” You also need to roll plenty of blunts, and stay relaxed by taking regular money baths. It sounds like a promising workout, but unfortunately RossFit is “available nowhere.”
“There’ll never be another boss as big as me,” Ross declares, dashing the hopes of gym rats across the country. “Not even Bruce Springsteen. Fuck Bruce Springsteen.” Even though you can’t actually use RossFit to get in shape, you’re still free to take Ross’ dietary advice and eat plenty of pears.