No doubt inspired by the success of his cultural milestone “Chinese Food,” songwriter Patrice Wilson — the evil genius who also penned Rebecca Black’s “Friday” — is back with another inane song performed by a young girl, which you’re bound to click on out of confusion/curiosity. Then you’ll want to make fun of it, but you’ll feel bad because the artist is just a baby and she doesn’t know any better. But at the same time you can’t not say something because it really is just so terrible, so you’ll probably send it to a friend and say something like, “The Internet needs to stop.” Of course, in sharing it, you’re keeping the Internet going, and knowing this just makes you feel worse. Finally, you realize viral culture is a flat circle and either you share it first, or it gets shared with you, and everyone everywhere loses.
Anyway. Wilson’s latest is “Get in My Car,” a song almost entirely in Chinese that’s sung by adorable 10-year-old Grace Liu. In it, she asks you to get in her magic car and fly away, although a lot of the video takes place in a plane, which is typically much more capable of flying than a car. From there, the logic disintegrates exponentially. According to Buzzfeed, the translated lyrics — some rapped by Wilson himself, as always — include, “The white clouds kiss my cheeks. Think of the sun! I want it to fly freely with my face,” and, “Put your hands up. I can’t resist your clothing’s attitude.”
Just go ahead and click it. The sooner you get it over with, the sooner you can heal.