Kid Rock on Dildo Subpoena: 'All Parties Involved Can Shove One Up Their...'

Southern rock superstar is not happy with the lawyers in ongoing Insane Clown Posse suit

Kid Rock, Dildo Subpoena, Insane Clown Posse, Response
Kid Rock live in 2013, presumably without the dildo in question Photo By Ethan Miller/Getty Images
WRITTEN BY
Colin Joyce

A couple of weeks ago, Kid Rock was asked to produce a glass dildo as evidence in an ongoing sexual harassment suit against the Insane Clown Posse and their Psychopathic Records label. Today, as Stereogum points out, he's finally responded on his website in typically vitriolic fashion. Calling one set of lawyers "a blight on our planet" and "a sad ass excuse for a law firm" and referring to the other side as "the worst kind of scum," Kid Rock claims that he's never met anyone involved with the lawsuit and kindly requests that all parties in the suit "shove one up their ass."

The Southern rap-rock star goes on to claim that the defendant in the case, "Dirty Dan" Diamond, is either "an absolute pathological liar," or "an asshole who isn't funny," but either way he's never met the man. He also accuses both firms of using his name as a way of getting attention and garnering press.

Read both of his letters, first to the lawyers of the plaintiff Andrea Pellegrini and then to Diamond's lawyers, below. Kid Rock is angry, and you might actually like him when he's angry.

"ALL PARTIES INVOLVED IN THIS ICP GLASS DILDO CASE CAN SHOVE ONE UP THEIR ASS: KID ROCK RESPONDS

(These are the actual letters sent to the attorneys involved.)

Dear Jim Rasor and Jon Marko,

I'm told that you have issued a subpoena for a 'glass dildo' that was supposedly given to me. No idea what you're talking about, and I definitely don't have it. I've never heard of, seen, or met any people involved in this case. But I'm pretty sure you already know that. What I do know is that you've been dragging my name around in the media to gain attention for your sad ass excuse for a law firm. I don't care what you do when you finally catch up to the ambulances you chase, but I do care when you bring my name into it for no reason at all.

Let me ask you this. Say in a lawsuit that another crappy firm was handling, your names were brought up for no reason. You wake up one morning, excited for a new day of exploiting the legal system and people dumb enough to look at your website (nice pictures btw, did you study how to look like douchebags in college?), and when you open the newspaper there's a report from someone you've never heard of talking about how Jon Marko and Jim Rasor got caught molesting animals at a petting zoo while high on bath salts. Now imagine you weren't the scumbags you are, but a citizen who has raised millions of dollars for his hometown, spent hours helping to promote the arts, had helped wounded veterans returning from combat. Say you were people who aren't a blight on our planet — wouldn't you be pissed off that your name, for days on end, was being mentioned in the press when EVERYONE involved knew you weren’t involved in any way? Welcome to my side of this story.

-Kid Rock"

"Dear Brian E. Koncius,

I'm told that your client has testified under oath in a deposition that he presented a former employee of Psychopathic Records with a glass dildo, who then allegedly gave the dildo to me? There are only two possible explanations for what your client said: either he is an absolute pathological liar, who for some insane reason decided to make up a bullshit story using my name or 2: he thinks he's a comedian and was trying to be funny. If he was joking then he's just an asshole who isn't funny. But if it was not 100% clear that he was attempting to make a joke, then he just lied under oath because I’ve never met your client, and if I had met your client I'd certainly remember if he tried to give me a glass fucking dildo. Even if it was the 'Rasor Law Firm' that sent a press release to the press, you have done nothing to clear up this blatant lie which makes you to blame too. It is obvious that all you assholes are using my name and notoriety to garner publicity for yourselves, which makes you the worst kind of scum. You’re the types of lawyers that make America a worse place for everyone.

I live in Detroit because I can stay out of the fray here and live my life the way I chose to. If I wanted to deal with this shit I'd move to LA, and if I want press, I can get it — trust me. No matter why your client said what he did, it's clear that you, your client, and the Rasor Law Firm have gone out of your way to help get this story told. How would you feel if one day your name appeared across the internet connected to a story you knew absolutely nothing about. One day you come downstairs to the angry glare of your wife who asks if you really were arrested over the weekend for driving high on crystal meth with a bound and gagged hooker in your trunk. Did you? Because it’s all over the internet, some lawyer you've never met put it out in a press release! Must be true right? I'm guessing you probably wouldn't like that, and would at least appreciate it if the guy who made it up admitted that you never did those things.

Your website says you represent people who are 'interested in doing the right thing.' I don't believe that, but prove me wrong. 
-Kid Rock" 


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