Optometrists and hairdressers Down Under have revealed the next hot fashion trend among Australian teens in a new investigative report. The look, they say, is an accessory of so-called “floppy” haircuts that fans of artists like Justin Bieber and Pete Wentz have been sporting over the past few years, so fashionistas will have to be truly dedicated to pull off this latest one: lazy eyes are all the rage with teen “emos.”
“If a young emo chap has a fringe covering one eye all the time, that eye won’t see a lot of detail,” Tasmania’s Optometrists Association education director Andrew Hogan told the Mercury in a report yesterday that reads like an Onion story. “And if it happens from a young age, that eye can become amblyotic.” What is an amblyotic eye, you ask? Amblyopia is the medical term for lazy eye. It is as yet unreported just how many teens have achieved this level of haute couture, but if kids can successfully tell their parents to leave them alone already for long enough, the whole swoop-haired youth bloc born from 1995-2001 is going to develop lazy eyes sooner or later, Hogan said.
In the in-depth investigation, Hogan, along with “veteran hairdresser” Roseanne Anderson, described the “only hairstyle… that could [produce] a health hazard,” one that belongs almost solely to these teenage “emos” and can result, they say, in “a lack of direct sunlight” and short-sightedness which lead to lazy eyes, as well as postural problems from “tilting their heads to one side in order to see out of their small window of vision.” According to Hogan, the new haircut isn’t the only way lazy eyes can develop; eyepatches (like pirates!) have also been known to produce the amblyotic effect. Anderson suggests those looking to avoid the lazy eye trend, however, should try
not being so emo using hair product to keep hair out of the eyes, or “simply getting a better cut.”