There are things I could tell you. I could tell you that the craziest things have happened since the last time we talked. Like how the band was arrested, I broke my leg on a jet ski. Y’know, stuff like that. Or I can make the excuse that last weeks post was so long that it had to be broken up into two parts, and therefore I’m going to keep this one short. But the truth is none of the above.
The truth is that nothing interesting has happened since the legendary FIJI. I mean, the tour rules, the shows have been amazing, Ryan and I play racquetball (he is up nine games to one and I suspect he let me win that one). But otherwise there is nothing really juicy or mind blowing. In fact, FIJI wasn’t even that mind-blowing. But I still found a way to squeeze two posts out of it. Since then though, nothing. Instead I’m going to try my best to squeeze two paragraphs out of nothing. Here goes…
The “Loose Gnarly Boy”
This has been a very popular cocktail since we first moved out of a van and into a bus. The proper ingredients are:
– one tour manager with the nickname Muzz
– one tiny bunk full of sleeping bags and empty water bottles (maybe some food that you have been looking for two days yet it is found stashed safely in the back corner of his bunk, along with a bag of grapes)
– the bored band dudes
– one merch guy
– one inebriated guitarist to start the whole thing
The instructions are to wait until Muzz has entered his bunk, either to call it a night or to call his girlfriend in order to call it a night (this recipe works best with the latter). Upon his insertion into the bunk, gather up bored band dudes and merch guy and wait for guitarist to give the go ahead. This usually happens once Muzz says something awkward to his girlfriend. Once the proper signal is given, everyone must rush his bunk and start doing thing like taking his water bottles and pouring water on him. Or stealing his grapes and eating them all while two people hold him. After that someone else slaps his face (not too hard) while he tries to free himself up by biting and shouting obscenities. He usually frees himself up and proceeds to shout things like “I’m about to get loose,” or “It’s about to get gnarly in here.”
But it doesn’t stop there. Inebriated guitarist then gives the command that round two should begin, only this time Muzz is in the hallway, biting at the air, shirt unbuttoned, and swinging a guitar hero joystick. And that is how you make a “Loose Gnarly Boy”. Wow. This hasn’t been edited yet. But I don’t even think I mustered two paragraphs out of this thing. Pretty sad. I guess I should fess up and tell the truth. The truth is we played in NYC this weekend. My girlfriend lives there. And I was too busy seeing her for the first time this month that the blog kinda slipped my mind. I was just reminded as her and I were driving back from a show in Massachusetts. So, I let her drive back to the city in this faux storm (bad idea) while I typed this on my phone.
But I promise that next week, once the broad is gone, I’ll have something interesting to say. Maybe. Until then, take care.
Now Watch This: The Format – “She Doesn’t Get It”