The Late Show with Stephen Colbert sent the only political correspondent brave enough to ask the tough questions down to Texas to cover the toss-up Senate race between incumbent GOP sweaty narc Ted Cruz against Democratic challenger and The Clash fan Beto O’Rourke. With that in mind, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog strapped on a little cowboy hat and headed down to the Lone Star State to ask the candidates questions like “What’s Ted Cruz have that you don’t have? Besides the ability to regenerate his tail!”
Robert Smigel, as Triumph, has fun roasting the lefties who turn out for O’Rourke, but he saves his best material for dragging Cruz within an inch of his life. Triumph shouts third degree burns at the senator like: “You can’t ignore me, Ted! I’m not overwhelming scientific evidence of global warming!” and “Ted, quick question! I have a preexisting condition that makes me vomit out of my eyes whenever I look at you. Is that in the GOP health-care plan?”
Cruz, bless him, does his best to appear to be a good sport and even tries to land a barb of his own by reminding Triumph: “Just remember, it wasn’t the Republicans, it was the Democrats that took you into the vet to get fixed, and there is freedom on the other side!” Although that would-be zinger doesn’t make sense, Cruz set himself up to get scorched.
“Hey, I support spaying and neutering,” Triumph said, “just like Trump did to you!”
It’s funny cause it’s true.