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The Chainsmokers Are Going to Ruin Movies Now

“We were staying in Paris / To get away from your parents,” a deeply profound lyric and definitely not a premise that would get you laughed out of screenwriting class, is now the inspiration for a film. Yes, per Hollywood Reporter, up-and-coming auteurs the Chainsmokers have signed on to produce a movie inspired by their 2017 single “Paris.” They even formed their own production company. Congratulations, Chainsmokers.

“Paris,” a song you may remember hearing in the background of a bar you really wanted to leave, offers a strikingly small amount of substance from which to develop a feature film. The ‘Smokers have said they were inspired by a friend’s struggle with drug addiction, but the sum total of the drama is contained in those opening lines and a couple of references to getting wasted. As far as I can tell, the protagonists don’t even leave their hotel room. The most detailed plot development comes in the second verse: “Posting pictures of yourself on the internet / Out on the terrace / We breathe in the air of this small town.” (Are they talking about Paris, Texas? Kidding, that’s been done.)

There are songs where spare, evocative lyrics and artful delivery convey immeasurably more than mere words on the page, and “Paris” is not one of them. Absolutely nothing even happens in the second half, which doesn’t bode well for the 45 minutes of this film you’re more likely to sleep through.

But think of what we’ve got to look forward to: A trailer cut of the part where everyone takes shots, the Eiffel Tower lit in garish EDM neon, a terrible one-off soundtrack single featuring like, Lil Xan. Chainsmokers and the Halsey movie for Oscars 2021, baby.