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Death and Taxes

Donald Trump on Using a Treadmill: “It Was At a Very Steep Angle, and I Was There For a Very Long Time”

ABERDEEN, SCOTLAND - JULY 10: Donald Trump plays a round of golf after the opening of The Trump International Golf Links Course on July 10, 2012 in Balmedie, Scotland. The controversial ?100m course opens to the public on Sunday July 15. Further plans to build hotels and homes on the site have been put on hold until a decision has been made on the building of an offshore windfarm nearby. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

One day after Dr. Ronny Jackson assured the nation that Donald Trump is in tiptop shape, the president sat down with reporters who unsurprisingly had some followup questions on the subject of the president’s physical health. Trump assured them that he actually gets plenty of exercise.

“I get more exercise than people think,” POTUS told Reuters as he explained why, despite officially clocking in just one pound shy of officially being labeled obese, he doesn’t really need to increase the number of calories he burns in any given day.

To the untrained eye, it would appear that Trump has lived a remarkably sedentary lifestyle wherein he mostly sits behind desks. He’s is notorious for his numerous trips to his own golf courses, but that’s not exactly the most physically demanding of sports, so how does the president account for all this unseen exercise he’s supposedly getting?

“I get exercise,” Trump said. “I mean I walk, I this, I that. I run over to a building next door.” He then balked at the idea of going to the gym, implying that routine exercise is actually bad for you.

“A lot of people go to the gym and they’ll work out for two hours and all,” Trump said, “I’ve seen people … then they get their new knees when they’re 55 years old and they get their new hips and they do all those things. I don’t have those problems.”

Perhaps a life of being ferried around in golf carts really has saved the president’s precious, delicate joints. What do I know? Still, Trump insists that his cardiovascular system is something to marvel at.

“I was on a treadmill for the first time actually in quite a while, and it was at a very steep angle, and I was there for a very long time,” POTUS said, recalling his recent medical test. “They were surprised. And they said, ‘Well you can stop now, that’s amazing.’ And I said, ‘I can go much longer than this if you want me to.’”

None of us were there for this test, so maybe Trump truly did wow a group of medical professionals by outperforming what they assumed an overweight 71-year-old would be capable of. On the other hand, perhaps they were simply amazed he didn’t immediately die of a heart attack. Or maybe none of this ever happened in the first place.