Eminem‘s ninth studio album Revival is a project about fatherhood, self-doubt, and growing old, but it’s also about our curvy president. The Detroit rapper’s promotional anti-Trump freestyle didn’t make the cut, but he frequently references the first family, about which you can tell he’s been thinking a lot. We’ve ranked those thoughts below, based on how much each lyric contributes to the impeachment process. Please save any complaints about the order for the next resistance meeting, where you can find me in a Kangol.
15. “But you ain’t ruining our country, punk / You won’t take our pride from us / You won’t define us / Cause like a dictionary, things are looking up”
14. “Grab you by the meow, hope it’s not a problem in fact / About the only fact I agree on with Donald is that / So when I put this palm on your cat, don’t snap / It’s supposed to grabbed, why do you think they call it a snatch?”
13. “You stay on Twitter, way to get your hate off / Nazi, I do not see a way y’all differ”
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12. “This main just praised a statue of General Lee / Cause he generally hates the black people, degrades Hispanics”
11. “And all you got are race cards / Better get the swastika with your name carved in it / Should be your trademark / Cause hate’s all you played off”
10. “Ivanka, stiff arm her while I’m hittin’ on Melania”
9. “This chump barely even sleeps / All he does is watch Fox News like a parrot and repeats / While he looks like a canary with a beak / Why you think he banned transgenders from the military with a tweet?”
8. “Didn’t wanna piss your base off, did ya? / Can’t denounce the Klan ’cause they play golf with ya”
7. “Wish I woulda spit on it before I went / To shake his hand at the event / Or maybe had the wherewithal / To know that he was gonna try to tear apart / Our sacred land we cherish and stand for”
6. “Without him, we can be proud of where we’re from”
5. “But ’til I get the president to respond / My pen and pencil is a missile launcher / And send it to Mitch McConnell / Just as big of a bitch as Donald”
4. “Donald Duck’s on as the Tonka truck in the yard / But dog, how the fuck is Ivanka Trump in the trunk of my car?”
3. “So basically, you’re Adolf Hitler!”
2. “Someone get this Aryan a sheet / Time to bury him, so tell him to prepare to get impeached”
1. “He’s trying to divide us, this shit’s like a cult / But like Johnny, he’ll only unite us”
