Alex Jones, America’s conspiracist king, has had a rough few months. He lost a high-profile custody battle with his ex-wife, divulging all sorts of weird tidbits about his personal life, like the apparent memory loss he suffers after eating a big ol’ bowl of chili, in the process. He learned that his media empire InfoWars may be the subject of an FBI investigation. He apologized for his role in promoting Pizzagate, the elaborate conspiracy theory that led a man to fire an assault rifle in a Washington, D.C. pizzeria and sullied the good names of American icons like Guy Fieri and Father John Misty. Now, taken yet another L, to a Greek yogurt brand–a chalky, subpar Greek yogurt brand, no less.
Last month, Jones was the target of a defamation lawsuit by Chobani, after publishing an InfoWars video with the headline “Idaho Yogurt Maker Caught Importing Migrant Rapists.” He’d made the ludicrous claim based on the efforts of Chobani CEO Hamdi Ulukaya, himself a Turkish immigrant, to hire refugees to work at the company. The video specifically and falsely alleged that Chobani was connected to a crime involving three children who’d assaulted a younger girl in Twin Falls, Idaho, where the company has a manufacturing plant. Chobani sued, and now, the parties have reached a settlement agreement. A key component of the settlement, the Los Angeles Times reports, is the following public apology, issued by Jones:
“During the week of April 10, 2017, certain statements were made on the Infowars, Twitter feed and YouTube channel regarding Chobani, LLC that I now understand to be wrong. The Tweets and video have now been retracted, and will not be re-posted,” Jones said. “On behalf of Infowars, I regret that we mischaricaturized Chobani, its employees and the people of Twin Falls, Idaho the way we did.”
The chastened tone of Jones’s statement is remarkably similar to his Pizzagate apology, which he insisted at the time he’d given only because it was “the right thing to do.” Experts speculated that he may have backed off from the conspiracy as a preemptive defense against legal action from the owners of Comet Ping Pong, the allegedly satanic pizza parlor, and given the results of the Chobani fight, that seems pretty likely.
Imagine how owned Jones would have been had he faced off against an actually good Greek yogurt company, like Fage.