This week, you may have logged into Twitter and seen the above image of a certain lawn show lifer sporting a graying beard and smiling sideways into the camera. You may have noticed the AARP: The Magazine cover and coverline–“Happy 50th Dave Matthews: Ants Marching to 50!”–and thought to yourself, “It’s nice that he’s owning his age, showing fans and fellow musicians that you can still keep your cool at the half-century mark.” Except that Dave Matthews didn’t agree to be featured in AARP. In fact, he was never on the cover at all.
SPIN reached out to the magazine for a PDF copy of the Matthews cover story, because we couldn’t find it online, and wanted to see if there were any newsworthy tidbits inside. An AARP representative politely informed us that the image is only “a celebratory post created for social media, and not an actual AARP The Magazine print cover or article.” In other words, for no particular reason, they just wanted to let their 109,000 Twitter followers know that Dave Matthews is no longer a spring chicken.
Wishing Dave Matthews a happy 50th birthday! pic.twitter.com/YVGDN40tvc
— AARP (@AARP) January 9, 2017
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Matthews isn’t the first formerly sprightly celebrity to receive a “very special birthday cover.” Fred Armisen, you may recall, is old as well:
https://twitter.com/AARP/status/805426444679704577
And Kiefer Sutherland is no longer the sexy young vampire of Lost Boys:
Happy Birthday to the designated tough-guy, Kiefer Sutherland! pic.twitter.com/ge2Fa7NW2q
— AARP (@AARP) December 21, 2016
Adam Sandler: also old.
Let's all wish 'Saturday Night Live' alum @AdamSandler a happy 50th birthday! pic.twitter.com/IIHc6ZbW4J
— AARP (@AARP) September 9, 2016
Old:
We hope you dance to celebrate your 50th birthday, @leeannwomack! pic.twitter.com/sc2Gqi7HCF
— AARP (@AARP) August 19, 2016
Old.
Happy 50th birthday, @JimGaffigan! May all other birthdays pale in comparison. pic.twitter.com/K30X18GRkT
— AARP (@AARP) July 7, 2016
Old!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday, @JanetJackson! This one's 'All for You'! pic.twitter.com/3xWP8uIjEP
— AARP (@AARP) May 16, 2016
Hootie is old:
Join us in wishing Darius Rucker of ‘Hootie & the Blowfish’ a rockin’ 50th! pic.twitter.com/LZqrgDJJ96
— AARP (@AARP) May 13, 2016
Adam Duritz is old:
Adam Duritz of @CountingCrows: proof that turning 50 rocks! #mrjones #boomers50 pic.twitter.com/78WaZdyRrF
— AARP (@AARP) August 1, 2014
Téa Leoni is old, too.
Happy 50th birthday to #MadamSecretary star Téa Leoni! pic.twitter.com/CNVsdFaA4p
— AARP (@AARP) February 25, 2016
Dr. Dre, frankly, is old as shit.
This rap icon may be turning 50 today, but he's still D.R.E. pic.twitter.com/dGVerDD4UA
— AARP (@AARP) February 18, 2015
And so on. Again, you’ll find none of the above covers on newsstands. They’re just friendly reminders from the AARP that death, decay, and commercial irrelevance come for us all someday, even TV stars and headphone magnate millionaires. We’d like to join them in wishing Dave Matthews a sincere happy 50th.
