R. Kelly wants you to know that he is not performing at Donald Trump’s presidential inauguration, and that all rumors to the contrary are untrue. “End. Of. Story.” the frequently rumor-dogged R&B singer tweeted:
End.
Of.
Story. pic.twitter.com/jVjgpbMYr3— R. Kelly (@rkelly) January 13, 2017
Now, those red words say “RUMORS ONLINE NOT UNTRUE,” but Kelly isn’t even the sixth or seventh artist to deny performing at the inauguration—Elton John, KISS, Moby, Charlotte Church, and Andrea Bocelli did, too.
Kelly, though, appears to be responding not to actual rumors, but rather to jokes about an unverified intelligence dossier claiming Trump hired Russian prostitutes for piss play. This purported revelation set off a veritable golden shower of Twitter jokes, a few of which were about R. Kelly, whose alleged sexual proclivities are forever memorialized in a Chappelle’s Show music video skit called “Piss on You.” And at least one of those jokes kinda looked like the real thing:
BREAKING: R. Kelly confirmed to perform at inauguration.
— Jonathan Torrens (@TorrensJonathan) January 11, 2017
Jonathan Torrens is famous for being a comedy actor on a mockumentary show, and his current profile photo advertises something called the “Frig Off Peckers Tour.” But plenty of people saw “BREAKING” with a verified checkmark and thought they were looking at journalism. Torrens wasn’t the only one, either:
Has Donald Trump reached out to R. Kelly to perform at the Inauguration? He’d be able to check off a couple of boxes.
GUISE.#PEEOTUS
— April (@ReignOfApril) January 11, 2017
Breaking News: R Kelly has expressed desires to perform at the inauguration stating “Trump used to piss me off but now, now we golden”.
— Anthony (@BigJigglyPanda) January 11, 2017
Performers for Trump’s Inauguration…
– Jackie Evancho
– R. Kelly
– Scott Baio
– 5 Russian hookers on a bed
– Satan
– Tammy Lauren— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) January 12, 2017
Jokes, people! Piss jokes! And probably the closest we’ll ever get to a public statement from R. Kelly on whether or not he likes pissing on people.
