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No Country for Old Pirates: Javier Bardem Looks Terrible in New Pirates of the Caribbean Trailer

Good for Javier Bardem, who’s still getting that post-Oscar cash by playing creepy villains in action blockbusters. He’s the focus of the new trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, the latest iteration of the returning Pirates franchise. After a six-year layover, the series is back, along with Legolas Orlando Bloom; this first tease doesn’t show him or Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow, but you can imagine the eyeliner is as well-drawn as ever. Bardem plays Captain Salazar, a new foil for Sparrow, whose face looks very fucked up and oozy as he delivers a warning to a bright-eyed teen who’s supposed to be the son of Bloom and Keira Knightley’s characters.

If the timing there seems off, consider that next year’s high school freshmen class won’t have been born when the first Pirates movie dropped all the way back in 2003. Pirates of the Caribbean will never die, in other words, but you will. Dead Men Tell No Tales is out May 2017.