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Axl Rose Invents ‘Google Ass’ in Chili Peppers-Dogging Op-Ed

Axl Rose Red Hot Chili Peppers Super Bowl Letter lip syncing

Much fuss continues to be made over the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ unplugged Super Bowl halftime show. After bassist Flea’s letter explaining the reasons for the mimed performance, the non-controversy continues to spin with an unsurprisingly absurd op-ed by Axl Rose.

Haughtily titled “In the Name of Science,” and published by Billboard and the Hollywood Reporter, the piece delivers a number of backhanded compliments about the show, as the Guns N’ Roses frontman waxes poetic about Google, technology, and the Chili Peppers’ rear ends.

“Consider that maybe sometime before their actual performance,” Rose writes, “that rather than use a guitar cord or standard wireless, that in the name of science and for all mankind Flea courageously had a newly invented breakthrough in microchip technology installed in his ass that picked up the frequencies of his bass and transmitted them to his amplifier.”

Got that? No? Rose explains further: “Maybe they all had microchips installed in their asses and not only pick up the frequencies of their instruments but get Direct TV and the internet too! Like Google Glass… Google Ass! They could be “Scientific Pioneers!” Like Buzz Aldrin and shit! True (pardon the pun)ASS-tro-nots! Or like Superbowl crash test dummies for bands kinda like those cars that drive themselves!”

Rose then faintly praises Anthony Kiedis for singing live, calling the setting “a new world record for the largest karaoke audience ever,” relates the situation (somehow) to the phony sign language interpreter at Nelson Mandela’s funeral, and offers this amazing sign-off: “God Bless America, the Peppers n’ technology… PN’T!”