Skip to content

Wait, People Actually Thought Jay Z Was Dead? He’s Not

Jay Z, not dead

An unusual number of people have been reading a SPIN article from September with the headline, “Bodyguard Linked to Jay Z Dead After Naked Tussle With Cops.” The reason would appear to be a satirical article on the website The Rap Insider with its own headline: “Rapper Jay Z Found Dead Inside At 43.” When most people read a thing like that, they think it means the person in question was found dead inside his home. But see, the joke here is that Jay Z is dead inside: “laying [sic] face-down in a puddle of champagne and corporate sponsorships.” (The fake article attributes that last quote to an immortal Notorious B.I.G., if you want to see the level of tastefulness and clarity on display in this thing.) Yes, Jay Z has his entanglements with Barneys, which The Daily Show recently used for cheap points. And his cologne. And his Shawn Carter-branded $33,900 watches he gives to clients of his sports agent business. And a 2013 album, Magna Carta Holy Grail, that we called “rap music as a transaction.” But he’s not dead. He’s alive. #NotAfraidtoBeServicey