One of two things will happen if you attempt to burglarize Kid Rock’s home: he will shoot you or he will write a blog post featuring images of you from his security camera and offer a $5,000 reward, thus generating tips that will lead to your arrest. According to CNN, an unnamed 43-year-old Michigan man rammed a van through Rock’s front gates on July 31 before walking up to a building on the property and failing to get inside. Luckily for the perp, he was merely apprehended by authorities after Rock posted about the story on his web site under the headline “Don’t mess with a Motherfucker Like Me” because it could have been way, way worse:
Thank God I was not on the property at the time of this attempted break in. I am an avid hunter and marksman and I will not hesitate to shoot anyone who has myself or family in fear for our lives. I take the invasion of my personal space very seriously regardless of who you are and YES, I do profile people. I am currently profiling any balding white male on crutches driving a white creeper van.
Yes, the man was on crutches. The Pink Panthers,this was not. It’s not yet known whether the two tipsters received Rock’s reward. The burglar’s van has been impounded, though there’s been no word yet on the state of his crutches. Maybe there’s a Hard Rock Café somewhere that would take them?