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R. Kelly Amazingly Gives Us a ‘Trapped in the Closet’ Soundboard to Play With

R. Kelly 'Trapped in the Closet' Soundboard Chapter

R. Kelly fans and Trapped in the Closet aficianados will be pleased to know that R&B’s reigning freak king has launched “Trapped in the Soundboard,” a web toy that allows users to trigger all of their favorite lines from the gonzo, soul-powered soap-opera. For instance, “You crazier than a fish with titties if you think I’m ‘a let you smoke that shit up in my car.” Or, “Well, well, well.” Watch out for Pimp Lucius.

While the service is technically free, it does come with a hefty social media tax. In order to unlock each sound on the board, you’ll need to “like” and share the thing in just about every way possible short of sending up smoke signals from your roof. But those familiar with the ins and outs of Facebook and Twitter know the work-arounds. Like, share, unlike, and delete, and your access to all 20 snippets remains.

In other excellently goofy R. Kelly news, support for the petition to replace “The Star-Spangled Banner” with the singer’s “Ignition (Remix)” has petered out at roughly 12,000 signatures. Also, Trapped in the Closet, currently up to 33 episodes-as-chapters, is destined to become an actual book, of course, because Kells is a kind god who rewards us for our unflagging dedication to his bizarro cause.