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Healing Sounds of ‘Janice’ Joplin Revive Justin Bieber After Fainting Spell

Justin Bieber

By the time Janis Joplin’s long-in-the-works biopic come around, she’ll be able to come across once again as a person rather than an untouchable classic-rock icon. At least, it’s been a big few days for desecrating the ’60s rock singer’s legend.

Earlier this week, the inimitable Danny Brown, in a psych-backed new track called “#HottestMC,” deliriously spat, “Rhymes so real thought I wrote it in Janis Joplin’s vomit / With the mic GG Allin wiped his ass with.” Last night, as Justin Bieber recovered in a London hospital after collapsing backstage near the end of his O2 Arena concert, he healed himself in part through the medicinal sounds of “Janice Joplin.”

Or so Bieber revealed in a shirtless, underwear-brandishing Instagram photo (in the Internet era, we are all Tiger Beat now). It might be worth noting to the kids of today that a young “Marky” Mark Wahlberg, who appeared topless in a vintage video we happened to post the other day, showcased a much more strapping, Instagram-worthy physique. But that was in the heady ’90s, before the Great Recession and reduced expectations. (Also, did you see Wahlberg has talked about reuniting the Funky Bunch?)

In any event, Bieber is still slated to perform at 9 p.m. local time tonight, according to the O2 Arena’s Twitter. That’s the same venue where, a couple of nights prior to his backstage collapse, he angered fans by showing up late — either two hours (according to reports) or 40 minutes (according to this poor, unfortunate young man).

Earlier this week, the singer also told the world he is judged only by God and the media shouldn’t make up “fake stories to sell papers.” He did this immediately after insisting “rt now im just gonna be positive.” He also did all of this a matter of weeks after saying the Black Keys’ Patrick Carney “should be slapped around haha,” which his fans followed up with hate speech when Carney dared mock Bieber further.

If he was your boyfriend… well, to be fair, the guy already survived a castration plot.