In what is surely the biggest Capitol Hill scandal to rock our nation since Watergate, it’s now come to light that Beyoncé, beloved singer of the National Anthem at 44th U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama’s second inauguration, was in fact duping honest, trusting Americans by lip-syncing the song.
The Times UK broke the news with a statement from the Marine Corp Band’s spokeswoman. “We did pre-record it and it was Beyoncé’s decision at the last minute to go with the pre-recorded version,” the spokeswoman said. “We pre-recorded all music as a matter of course and have done since time immemorial. This is our 54th inauguration… There is no question of there not being any music — it’s not because the performer cannot do it.”
We called Beyoncé’s rendition of the “Star-Spangled Banner” “suave” and “amazing,” and her studio take on the song (and her hair!) still fits that bill. But, we can no longer award that praise to a live vocal that, like Manti Te’o’s girlfriend, doesn’t exist. Yes, the news is disappointing, but the slackjawed shock reverberating in the media right now isn’t really necessary. Why? Bey wasn’t the only musician to sub out live music yesterday. Cellist Yo-Yo Ma faux-played his cello as the wintry January weather would have made it difficult for even a master such as himself to perform. And, Whitney Houston’s gold-standard Super Bowl “Star-Spangled Banner”? She lip-synched it, too.
So while you guys were all like
And at lunchtime, like
And just losing your shit left and right
We were like
And the overreaction made us like
Because, frankly, look at all the fucks Beyoncé gives.