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Who Charted? Muse, Mumford, and Miguel, Oh PSY!

In which we propose a plan to form a mega-band that'll rid the pop world of Maroon 5 once and for all

First! Mumford and Sons drop off a full 72 percent in sales for their totally whatever sophomore album, Babel, but it doesn’t much matter since their 600,000-strong sales slaying last week left plenty of fat to trim. This week, they’re hanging tough at No. 1 with 169K. Visit last week’s Who Charted? to learn about all of the records set by the English bluegrass band who happen to be loved by Led Zeppelin. We’re over it, and we’re guessing Billboard is too since they gave this week’s top 10 headline over to Muse.

2 to 10: Which brings us to another SPIN Worst New Music winner. Those bombastic Brits otherwise known as Muse landed at No. 2 for their presciently titled The 2nd Law (101K). The only thing interesting about this: It’s the first time since 1992 that Limeys have simultaneously occupied the Nos. 1 and 2 slots. Back then it was Def Leppard and the Cure — we’re usually not nostalgic, but o! for those better days. Heartening, however, is our pal Miguel scoring his best week ever with Kaleidoscope Dream (71K) debuting at No. 3. Pink stays at No. 4 (The Truth About Love, 52K). Elvis Costello’s wife Diana Krall scores No. 6 and her tenth Trad Jazz No. 1 (Glad Rag Doll, 46K). A 12-year-old hit No. 7 (41K). There’s no reason you need to know her name, nor Nos. 5, 8, and 9, but you should be a little sad that Van Morrison’s No. 10 grab for Born to Sing: No Plan B (29K) is as high as the legendary singer has ever gotten.

Marooned: Last week, we noted that Maroon 5 prevented Korean rapper PSY from taking his shirt off as he’d promised he would if “Gangnam Style” topped the Hot 100. Well, PSY did it anyway, but Maroon 5 continue to keep the guy from claiming his rightful throne at the top of one of the world’s biggest popularity contests. Who listens to Maroon 5 anyway? Evidently enough people to also keep megastar pups One Direction from setting a digital sales record. Even though they moved 341K copies of their new single, “Live While We’re Young,” M5’s totally shitty “Payphone” has the best digi-debut week for a group ever (493K).

2INTO1: And that’s exactly why we’re proposing PSY take One Direction under his wing, lead the little lads through the vigorous K-Pop factory in Seoul, and return fronting the most unstoppable musical force to ever rock the West. Heard of 2NE1? They’ll be 2INTO1 and the combination of Meme Man and Boy Band shall at last unseat those soul-sapping popsters for good.