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Slash Is In Session

Entertaining and educational, the guitarist's autobiography, Slash (HarperCollins), offers a crash course for aspiring rock gods. Here's what we learned.

1 Cats and dogs are for pussies. He prefers to play with mountain lions and snakes, because “earning the trust of an animal that might eat you in the wild is a defining and rewarding experience.”

2 Don’t solo on the snow. Playing guitar on cocaine is “as awkward as the first time you try to ski.” Still, he takes to the powder like Bode Miller.

3 Crack, not that wack? After smoking rock with Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine, he comes up with some “major heavy-metal riffs, just fucking dark and heavy as hell.”

4 How to pilfer a python from a pet store. The snake lover’s method involved “wrapping them around my wrists and then putting my jacket on, making sure that they were nestled high enough on my forearm” before walking out.

5 Date a porn star. Really, you should. While seeing ’80s triple-X icon Traci Lords, Slash realizes he was “never one of those guys who was judgmental” about her line of work. He likes her for who she is. And also because he’d “seen her in this movie where she was bent over holding her ankles….She looked amazing.”

6 Leather pants: fashionable, comfortable, and absorbent. “When you pee yourself in them,” he writes, “they’re more forgiving than jeans.”

7 Needles, not noses. Any method of drug ingestion besides intravenous is “a conscious decision to be inefficient.”

8 Axl always wins. Even though Slash finds the line “Where the grass is green and the girls are pretty” in “Paradise City” to be “totally gay,” he has to defer. (Slash’s preference, by the way, was “Where the girls are fat and they’ve got big titties.”)

9 And if he doesn’t… While driving with the frontman, Slash gets into an argument with Rose, causing the singer to jump from the moving vehicle, stumble to the sidewalk, and run away. He reappears days later “as if nothing happened.”

10 Caveat emptor, dude. Sleep with a girl nicknamed “Craberon” and you catch what you deserve: “She gave each and every one of us crabs.”

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