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The Return of Valient Thorr

“You motherf***er!!!”

We could not believe that Riverboat Gamblers hit us back so hard. The tar-and-feather was so heavy and brutal that retaliation began the very next day (Aug. 19) on the good ship Endura.

Once again it was time for a trip to the store, but this time only one item needed to be purchased: a single box of gauze. This item combined with some serious bullshitting and a hidden camera would be just what the doctor ordered for our Texan tourmates.

The story would go down like this: Valient Himself had a crazy reaction to the maple syrup and feathers. His eyes swelled shut and had to be gauzed up, he broke out in hives and his feet turned red. The kicker: we would say that we couldn’t be sure if he could even play that night.

So with the story set, the calls were made. Each of us called up different Gamblers on their cell phones to tell them the tale. Note: Valient Himself’s feet really did turn red, but it was from sweating in his red boots. They stained his feet!

With the calls made, we started preparing the visuals. We wrapped my eyes in gauze, wadded up a bunch of tissues and laid them around my bed, and of course, exposed my red feet. I laid on my back with my iPod in hand. We also rigged up a hidden trickster cam to catch another view of the action.

It wasn’t long before the Gamblers showed up and came into the rig, soft and slowly. They made their way into the back room, stood next to the bed and talked about my symptoms. “The down feathers made his eyes swell shut and the syrup in his boots made his feet all raw and itchy so all he could do was just lay here and wait for it to get better.”

Then, Valient Thorr talked about how much the visit to urgent care was — the Gamblers made an offer to pay for the bill, too. But then I, Valient Himself, stunned them when I asked if their manager would pick up the tab, and before they could answer, I lifted up the bandages and looked right at them, laughing.

The whole RV exploded into laughter! It was a Valient Thorr/Riverboat Gamblers pile-up, and half of the Gamblers claimed they knew it from the start …sure you guys did! Ha ha! You can’t trick the trickster. It ain’t over til it’s over, Jack!

— Valient Himself & Valient Thorr

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