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Who Has Rock’s Raddest Rear End?

A British psych professor with, perhaps, a trifle too much time on his hands, has created a method to determine once and for all who has the hottest ass in the worlds of both celebrities and mere mortals.

According to Manchester Metropolitan University’s David Holmes, Jessica Alba scores at 70 and J. Lo gets a 71, but bootylicious Beyonce scores a meager 31, meaning Alba’s backside is technically twice as nice as that of Jay-Z’s main, er, squeeze. In fact, yours might even be hotter.

Holmes has created a numerical formula — helpfully illustrated in today’s New York Post and New York Daily News — in which he uses a grading system to rank terrific tushes. Scores for overall shape (S), circularity (C), bounce (B), firmness (F), skin texture (T), and symmetry (V) are plugged into a formula — (S+C) x (B+F) / T – V — for what Holmes calls a foolproof system for determining backside bootyliciousness.

A score of 80 equals “perfection”; 60 means “nearly there; be proud to hit the beach”; 40 means you’re “in need of diet and exercise”; 20 says “keep your clothes on”; and anything under 20 mean “stay indoors.”

While the Daily News only provided the scores for the aforementioned trio, we honed in on our three most favorite rock bottoms. Here’s our list:

Gwen Stefani: 70. Hollaback-side girl.
Metric’s Emily Haines: 62. If her band’s track “Poster of a Girl” were about Emily, we’re pretty sure it would sell well.
Fiona Apple: 58. Fiona Apple-bottom.

Who’s your pick for rock’s hottest bottom? Let us know!

Find out how you rate (NY Daily News)

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