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The Sex Lists

Six Rock Stars Who Finally CameOut

Six Rock Stars Who Finally Came OutCOLOR>

1. Rob Halford2. George Michael3.Michael Stipe4. Bob Mould5. Melissa Etheridge6. Elton John

Seven Pop Stars Who Aren’t, Contrary to All Appearances, Actually Gay COLOR>

1. Sisqó2. Robert Smith3. Lance Bass4. Justin Timberlake 5. JC Chasez6.Joey Fatone7. Chris Kirkpatrick

Fifteen Albums to Play the First Time You Have Sex With a Woman, Assuming You Know Nothing ExceptHer First NameCOLOR>

01Ashley: Pieces of You, Jewel
02Brigitte: Pinkerton, Weezer
03Denise: Use Your Illusion I (Side Two), Guns N’ Roses
04Heather: Purple Rain, Prince
05Jennifer: Automatic for the People, R.E.M.
06Jodi: Astro-Creep: 2000, White Zombie
07Lisa: Crimes of Passion, Pat Benatar
08Mary Beth: Glass Houses, Billy Joel
09Missy: Back in Black, AC/DC
10Rhonda: Like a Virgin, Madonna
11Sara: 5150, Van Halen
12Sarah: Elastica, Elastica
13Tammy: (Live) at Budokan, Cheap Trick
14Teri: Pretzel Logic, Steely Dan
15Tina: Regulate…G Funk Era, Warren G

Eight Lyrics From Extremely Spiteful Breakup SongsCOLOR>

1. “One day you’ll be in the ditch, flies buzzin’ around your eyes.”–“Idiot Wind,” Bob Dylan2. “Gonna smile, I’m gonna laugh, you’re gonna get a bloodbath.”–“Glad to See You Go,” Ramones3. “Just go back to the rock from under which you came.”–“Sleep to Dream,” Fiona Apple4. “So sick of your games, I’ll set your truck to flames / I hate you so much right now!”–“Caught Out There,” Kelis5. “I’m gonna twist your head off, say….”–“Rid of Me,” PJ Harvey6. “I loved my life, and I hated you.”–“6’1″,” Liz Phair7. “Spill my guts, you just threw them away.”–“I’ll Never Forget You,” Hüsker Dü8. “You make him sound like frozen food / His love will last forever.”–“I Hope You’re Happy Now,” Elvis Costello

Five Lyrics That Don’t Work as Pickup Lines COLOR>

1. “Forget the telly / We just go to the crib / And watch a movie / In the Jacuzzi / Smoke L’s while you do me.”–“Big Poppa,”the Notorious B.I.G. 2. “I wanna fuck you like an animal.”–“Closer,” Nine Inch Nails 3. “Turn around bitch, I got a use for you.”– “It’s So Easy,” Guns N’ Roses4. “I wanna party on your pussy, baby.”–“Special Secret Song Inside,” Red Hot Chili Peppers5. “Hey yo, fat girl, come here, are you ticklish?”–“The Humpty Dance,” Digital Underground

Five Lyrical Euphemisms for MasturbationCOLOR>

1. “Playing the tambourine”–Prince
2. “Dancing with myself”–Billy Idol
3. “Turning Japanese”–the Vapors
4. “Boppin'”–Cyndi Lauper
5. “Buying the stairway to heaven”–Led Zeppelin

Nine Examples of Practical Sex Advice From Prince Songs COLOR>1. If you have sex with someone once, but you utilize no fewer than 23 different positions during that encounter, you shouldcall this person the next day–not because it’s nice, but because you need to remind him or her that this did, in fact,happen. (“Gett Off”) 2. Women masturbating with magazines in hotel lobbies will likely be open to myriad sexual suggestions.(“Darling Nikki”) 3. The fact that a woman has a pocket full of used condoms is no reason not to have sex with her.(“Little Red Corvette”) 4. If your sister is exactly twice your age, feel free to make love to her. (“Sister”) 5. You cantell a lot about a woman by the degree to which her breasts bounce. (“Peach”) 6. When attempting to remove clothing from awoman of larger proportions, it is somehow sexy to request that she “move [that] big ass ’round this way so I can work on thatzipper, baby.” (“Gett Off”) 7. Women who are about to get married will still perform oral sex, as this is not reallyinfidelity. (“Head”) 8. Threesomes are emotionally difficult, but we must overcome this if we are truly in love. (“When YouWere Mine”) 9. Dude, it’s not the body, it’s the mind. (“Sexy M.F.”)

Best ButtsCOLOR>

1. Kylie Minogue 2. Jack White3. J.Lo4. Beyoncé Knowles5. Lenny Kravitz6. Britney Spears7. D’Angelo8. Fabrizio Moretti9. Brandon Boyd10. Andre 3000

Songs About Girls Who Look Like Boys and Boys Who Look Like GirlsCOLOR>

1. “Girls & Boys,” Blur
2. “Dude (Looks Like a Lady),” Aerosmith
3. “Androgynous,” the Replacements
4. “Androgyny,” Garbage
5. “The Girlie Had a Mustache,” DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince
6. “Lady Stardust,” David Bowie
7. “I’m a Boy,” the Who
8. “The Ballad of a Ladyman,” Sleater-Kinney

Hair-Metal Love Ballads That Are Actually About Dead GirlsCOLOR>

1. “The Ballad of Jayne,” L.A. Guns
2. “Fly to the Angels,” Slaughter
3. “Fly High Michelle,” Enuff Z’ Nuff
4. “You’re All I Need,” Mötley Crüe
5. “Used to Love Her,” Guns N’ Roses

Things We Have Learned About Gavin Rossdale Through Gwen Stefani’s LyricsCOLOR>

1. He wants to burn before he’s mellow. (“Ex-Girlfriend”) 2. His wildness and freedom are scary. (“Ex-Girlfriend”)3. If he were meant to be her lover, she wouldn’t have to change him. (“Ex-Girlfriend”) 4. He’d make a good dad. (“SimpleKind of Life”) 5. He has a long, daunting list of lovers. (“Bathwater”) 6. He, at some point, was a dog. (“Detective,””Don’t Let Me Down”) 7. He knows some real bad tricks, and he could use some discipline. (“Underneath It All”) 8. Hegets sad sometimes, perhaps as a result of an unhappy childhood. (“Dark Blue”) 9. His love sometimes comes like athunderbolt. (“Hella Good”) 10. He’s attractive, in a physical kind of way. (“Underneath It All”)

Old Men Who Are Still Sexy to Rock Girls COLOR>1. David Bowie 2. John Taylor (Duran Duran) 3. Bono 4. Ian McCulloch (Echo & the Bunnymen)5. Bruce Springsteen 6. Leonard Cohen 7. Bryan Ferry 8. Prince

Old Ladies Who Are Still Sexy to Rock Boys COLOR>1. Madonna 2. Deborah Harry 3. Marianne Faithfull 4. Tori Amos 5. Chrissie Hynde6. Courtney Love 7. Stevie Nicks 8. Tina Turner 9. Patti Smith

Five “Life on the Road Is Crazy, Baby, and I Realize It’s Taking Its Toll on Our MeaningfulRelationship, but I Gotta Keep Rockin’ With the Boys Just a Little Bit Longer” Songs COLOR>

01 “Beth,” Kiss
02 “Home Sweet Home,” Mötley Crüe
03 “Mama I’m Coming Home,” Ozzy Osbourne
04 “Faithfully,” Journey
05 “Letter to My Daughters,” Uncle Kracker

Eight Songs Guaranteed to Kill the Mood COLOR>

1.”Who Let the Dogs Out,” Baha Men
2.”Rape Me,” Nirvana
3.”Date Rape,” Sublime
4.”Smack My Bitch Up,” Prodigy
5.”Nookie,” Limp Bizkit
6. “Thong Song,” Sisqó
7.”Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” Bobby McFerrin
8.”We Are the World,” USA for Africa

Five Artists to Mention to Get a Girl in Bed (If You’re a Guy)COLOR>

1. PJ Harvey2. Björk3. Le Tigre4. Sleater-Kinney5. Bright Eyes

Five Artists to Mention to Get a Guy in Bed (If You’re a Girl)COLOR>

1. Bob Dylan2. Fugazi3. The Notorious B.I.G.4.Pavement5. The Stooges

Most Well-Endowed Rock Stars, According to Legendary Groupies Donna Anderson andCynthia Plaster CasterCOLOR>

1. Jimi Hendrix 2. Jon Langford (Mekons, Waco Brothers)3. Tommy Lee 4. Tony Kanal (No Doubt)5. Anthony Kiedis (Red Hot Chili Peppers) 6. Phil Anselmo (Pantera)7. Robin Zander (Cheap Trick) 8. John Dolmayan (System of a Down)9. Robbie Merrill (Godsmack) 10. Dexter Holland (the Offspring)

Six Graphic Songs About Having SexCOLOR>

1. “Put Her in the Buck,” 2 Live Crew
2. “Fuck the Pain Away,” Peaches
3. “My Neck, My Back,” Khia
4. “Golden Showers,” Mentors
5. “Slide It In,” Whitesnake
6. “Short Dick Man,” 20 Fingers

Ten Songs About S&MCOLOR>

1. “I Wanna Be Your Dog,” the Stooges
2. “Oh Bondage, Up Yours!” X-ray Spex
3. “Master and Servant,” Depeche Mode
4. “Whip It,” Devo
5. “The Dominatrix Sleeps Tonight,” Dominatrix
6. “Submission,” the Sex Pistols
7. “Beat My Guest,” Adam Ant
8. “Pretty Tied Up,” Guns N’ Roses
9. “Happiness in Slavery,” Nine Inch Nails
10. “Teenage Enema Nurses in Bondage,” Killer Pussy