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The Morrissey Index

By: Victoria DeSilverioEx-Smith makes a rare U.S. appearance

With the Smiths, Steven Patrick Morrissey found fame, fame, fatal fame. When the band broke up in 1987, Morrissey(affectionately dubbed “Moz” by the Brits) heralded his solo career with the classic Viva Hate. Seven albums later, his adoring fansrefuse to leave him. In August, the reclusive 43-year-old icon launched his second world tour since being dropped by his label fiveyears ago. On September 15, without a manager or an album to support, Morrissey tested out new songs on the worshipful at San DiegoState University’s Open Air Theater. Here are the facts.

Number of new songs performed:

Number of new songs that include the word love:
All but two. One is titled “I Like You.”

Lyrical evidence that Moz still feels unlovable (despite regular vigils by fans outside his Los Angeles home):
“This world is full, so full of crashing bores, and I must be one / Because no one ever turns to me to say, ‘Take me in your armsand love me.'”

Number of fans wearing black on the outside and the inside:
25 were spotted wiping tears from their eyes

Number of pompadours:
Nearly every male who had hair

Number of times Moz took off his shirt:

Number of pieces it was torn into by rabid fans:

Number of fans who settled for threads:

Number of fans who settled for smelling a piece:
One dear lamb was spotted asking for a sniff

Number of fans who lingered to chat with one another about Moz once he’d left the venue:

Average number of Morrissey shows they’d seen:

Reasons we still have hope for a Smiths reunion:
(1) British promoters would offer at least .5 million; (2) all four members are still alive, and two have expressed interest;(3) Moz performed three Smiths songs (“I Want the One I Can’t Have,” “Meat Is Murder,” and “There Is a Light That Never Goes Out”)

Is meat still murder?
Yes. Says Moz: “The best people in the world are vegetarianos. The rest of you can go to hell.”

Total number of years Spin has begged for an interview with Morrissey:

Was a gift of pasta included in one of the countless interview requests?
Yes. Moz likes pasta.