August 8, 2004 – Uncle KrackerSeventy Two & SunnyLava Uncle Kracker is a rock artist who makes country music. Thisis not terribly uncommon, but there's something interesting about theway Mr. Kracker makes the rock-to-country transformation: None of thetracks on Seventy Two & Sunny remotely resemble "countryrock." They all sound like pop songs (there are no waltzes or fiddlereveries or twang-infused references to rodeo clowns), yet they all feellike country songs. The result is a better-than-decent album that willappeal to those who don't listen to music with sociology in mind, whichis probably 90 percent of America. Part of what makesKracker compelling is his maniacal obsession with hit making. It's toobad this dude wasn't born in the late 19th century, because he wouldhave loved working on Tin Pan Alley. Hit singles are the only songs hehas any interest in creating.

July 26, 2004 – Do you know what song I was listening to last weekend? I supposeyou don't (and if somehow you do, shouting the correctanswer in the general direction of this magazine will do you nogood whatsoever, unless you happen to be a psychotic drifter, inwhich case this act will seem consistent with your day-to-daybehavior). Well, the song I was listening to last weekend was"Layla," by Derek and the Dominos, which is surprising, because Igenerally like listening to Eric Clapton about as much as I likegetting kicked in the throat by Jet Li. However, something struckme about "Layla" that made me consider the state of contemporarypop music, particularly a certain artistic quality that--forwhatever reason--seems to be on the decline. Do you know what song I was listening to last weekend?

July 8, 2004 – What is the purpose of rock'n'roll? Is rock'n'roll supposed to soothe the soul of the savagebeast? Is it supposed to re-engineer the framework of art, culture, andpower? Is it supposed to obliterate your freak-ass mind and make youdance like a hydroelectric grizzly bear. Probably. Those are all important functions ofrock'n'roll, and they're all valid. But none of those things is theprimary purpose of rock music; they are all peripheral. What rock musicis supposed to do is save the world. That's its job. Any rock song thatdoes not save the world is a failure. And this is why rock isstruggling in 2004. Right now, television is saving more people thanpop music. I used to think reality television was successful because ofnarcissism. Later, I decided it was actually successful because ofvoyeurism.

July 1, 2004 – "That's the dog. That's the dog." Adam "King Ad-Rock" Horovitz, Adam "MCA" Yauch, and Michael "Mike D" Diamond are in the back of a Lincoln Navigator, and we're all driving toward a loft on Manhattan's Lower East Side where the Beastie Boys used to play music while battling blood-hungry rats and unscrupulous landlords. We'll arrive at the loft in ten minutes. But right now, there's a terrier crossing the street, led by an old man wearing a cowboy hat. "This is a great story," Yauch says, looking at Horovitz. "Tell the story about the dog." "This fucking little piece of shit dog bit me twice," says Horovitz. The others don't laugh, but not because the statement isn't funny — they don't laugh because these guys always seem to communicate through one-liners. In Beastie World, this is conventional dialogue.

June 23, 2004 – Adam"King Ad-Rock" Horovitz, Adam "MCA" Yauch, and Michael "Mike D" Diamondare on the back of a Lincoln Navigator, and we're all driving toward aloft in Manhattan's Lower East Side where the Beastie Boys used to playmusic while battling blood-hungry rats and unscrupulous landlords.We'll arrive at the loft in ten minutes. But right now, there's aterrier crossing the street, led by an old man wearing a cowboy hat."This is a great story," Yauch says, looking at Horovitz. "Tell thestory about the dog." "This fucking little piece of shit dog bit me twice," saysHorovitz. The others don't laugh, but not because the statement isn'tfunny--they don't laugh because these guys always seem tocommunicate through one-liners. In Beastie World, this is conventional dialogue. Diamondsardonically voices fear that such a statement will make the BeastieBoys seem like animal haters, but Horovitz is unmoved.

June 21, 2004 – Youprobably know Josh Homme as the six-foot-five-inch singer and guitaristfor Queens of the Stone Age. However, Homme is also thesix-foot-five-inch drummer for Eagles of Death Metal, a side projectwith childhood friend Jesse "the Devil" Hughes and Belgian guitaristTim Vanhamel. We swooped in for a lively debate with the Don Henley ofdesert rock. Is it true you guys named this band Eagles of Death Metal because you met some dude who thought Poison was a death metal band? No, not really. We met this guy in a local bar who was missing teethand had been drinking endlessly for years, and that was his belief. Butthe larger truth is that we're the Eagles ofDeath Metal, so we're neither death metal nor the Eagles. We're thatmissing link between them.

June 10, 2004 – "Nevercriticize anything in public," a semi-wise man told me as we drankabsinthe in a Colorado ski lodge, "and never build the foundation ofyour career by attacking a specific idea. Because-if you live longenough-you will inevitably come to embody the very idea that you oncecriticized. And everyone will know." This is a half-truth.I've never been in a ski lodge, I've never consumed absinthe, and I'mnot sure if some semi-wise man gave me this advice or if I just nowmade it up. The truth lies in the message. Over time, every dogmaticindividual evolves into his or her ideological opposite: Anti-authorityfigures slowly enter the ruling class, socialists become capitalists,Fonzie grows a beard and becomes a high school shop teacher. But whathappens if someone can exist only by embodying their opposite? Nothing, I suppose. Or everything, possibly.

April 20, 2004 – Forten years, people have asked, "Why did Kurt Cobain have to die?" Butthat question has been addressed by so many pundits that it no longerhas any meaning. At this point, it's time to ask something new: "Whatwould have happened if Kurt had lived?" Here's one theory. April 5, 1994: KurtCobain is admitted to the University of Washington Medical Center aftersuffering a massive heroin overdose. Discovered in a coma by privateinvestigator Tom Grant, Cobain's near-lifeless body lay alongside aloaded shotgun and (what appeared to be) a suicide note.

March 1, 2004 – Now, do not read that and think I am somehow suggesting thatnothing is new anymore or that everything has already been done or thatI am secretly applying for a job at Tracks magazine. There are still new things in this world. But they don't feel new to me. And I am placing much of the blame on R.E.M. Growing up, I hated R.E.M. In fact, my high school metalheadfriends and I compiled a "Bastard List" on the back of my life-sciencenotebook, and Michael Stipe was always No. 4 (preceded by BruceSpringsteen, our high school principal, and some kid from anotherschool named Gene, whom I'd never met). I didn't even own an R.E.M.album until I was a sophomore in college, when I bought a used copy oftheir early singles compilation, Eponymous, for $5.99.

February 19, 2004 – If werewolves controlled the House and vampires ruled the Senate,New Orleans would be our nation's capital. It is a citywithout conscience. The bars never close. You can drink on thestreet. Everything smells like a combination of puke, donkeys,shrimp scampi, Victoria's Secret, and lawlessness. Citizenswalk the alleys and boulevards with human skulls nestled undertheir arms. The air on Bourbon Street is 21 percent oxygen and 26percent sex. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting astripper who's also a prostitute (and I'm 99 percentcertain you can buy a dead cat here, if you're so inclined).There are people who move to New Orleans in order to die?