I'm always buying my wife sexy costumes. I'm dying for her to dress up and role play with me, but she assumes that it's because I'm not satisfied with her and I want to be with someone else. What do you suggest? Halloween Lover, New York, NY

My girl complains that my semen tastes sourer than the other guys'. She says it's because of my diet, but is there anything I can do to make it taste better?
Jimmy Jizz, Omaha, NE

I looked at her, sleeping now. Her skinny body looked formless in her disheveled sweatshirt. Her mouth was slightly open, her large, beautiful brown eyes shut away. Her hair was flat and lifeless from traveling, lying in the darkened compartment in the pale, colorless illumination of the unseen station lights.

There are many people -- in fact, you may be one of them -- who devote much of their daily energy toward hearing about things first, even if those specific things don't particularly matter.

I don't know what I was doing in 1998. But it must have been awesome, because I can't remember one goddamn moment from that entire year.