Radiohead / Photo John Shearer (WireImage.com)

6. Chris Martin and Jay-Z, "Lost"
Chris Martin, in his military style jacket with the Craft Castle fringe, sits apart from the band at an electric piano on a riser out in the crowd, plinking away. But then up pops Jay! Busting out his depressingly complex rhyme from the Viva La Hova mixtape, he drops lines about Martin and Malcolm and Biggie and 'Pac and Caesar and Brutus and Bobby Brown and media crucifixion. It's stunningly dense, but also, it's like, why can't he just stop campaigning already? Nobody's denying your greatness. Let Weezy shine.

7. Jennifer Hudson, "You Pulled Me Through"
The song is an irredeemable dud, and Hudson oversings like a desperate Idol melisma-maniac, but by the end she's in tears, and we all know why, and she deserves every break we can give her. And that black sequined dress is an unnatural wonder.

8. Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, "Fifteen"
Two teens, two stools, one acoustic guitar, and one of the year's best pop tunes. But you get the feeling that if Taylor didn't look like a model, Nashville would never let sing her own songs, because every time she's performed on television, her voice has wavered on the verge of falling off-key at any moment, and Miley, bursting with twangy shtick and bad makeup, sounds way better, though maybe Taylor's fallibility is what makes her so lovable. Regardless, when you can write a song this good, you get a pass.

9. T.I. and Justin Timberlake, "Dead and Gone"
Samuel L. Jackson's bizarre "man-love" intro of his scarf-wearing "buddy" JT is even creepier than his character's sleazeball antics in Black Snake Moan. T.I., meanwhile, rips the troubadouresque lyrics like his next case depended on it.

10. Coldplay, "Viva La Vida"
Post Jay-Z, Martin bounds up onstage and does his goony little dancing and squatting, weirdly exposing his midriff, while tympani synth strings resound with no guitar in sight. Diddy's on his feet. Rock'n'roll has never felt (more/less) vital.

11. Al Green feat. Justin, Boyz II Men, Keith Urban, "Let's Stay Together"
Al Green is still motherfucking Al Green and even though he can look adrift behind those shades, he occasionally hits a chilling note like nobody's biz; but the Justin Timberlake factor is a bit much. The whole Memphis homeboy intro is endless and baffling. First question, exactly where, back in the day in Memphis, is Al Green living down the street from Justin and going to a "general store" where they sell bait and tackle and burgers (and where a young Justin would meet him)? "I haven't seen the Rev. at the general store lately," says JT wistfully. Huh?

12. Kid Rock, "Amen"/ "All Summer Long"/ "Rock and Roll Jesus"
Kid Rock is singing "Amen" while Arabic writing appears on a giant screen behind him. Draw your own conclusions. At least he shouts out late Skynyrd/ "Freebird" pianist Billy Powell. Then again, who won't Kid Rock co-opt?

13. Kenny Chesney, "Better as a Memory"
Dim blue light, cowboy hat, acoustic guitar, self-effacing ballad, no bullshit. Too bad about that Morgan Freeman intro: "He's a poet, a pirate, a dreamer, but most importantly, he's a man I'm proud to call my friend." Sheesh.

14. Paul McCartney feat. Dave Grohl, "I Saw Her Standing There"
Why is this song nominated again? Why is Grohl bashing away on drums? Why does everybody feel the need to constantly kiss Paul's ass? And how do we get him to play something from Ram at Coachella? Constantly kiss his ass? Oh, all right.

15. U2, "Sexy Boots"
Trust me, this is the worst song on the new album, and why they're parading it around as their reintroduction to the marketplace is beyond me. And just a word on the lyrics: Who is supposed to be putting on these sexy boots? Bono's wife? Some composite hot teenager? Carrie Underwood? The Jonas Brothers? And what are they gonna do once they put them on? And is the biggest problem for someone putting on said sexy boots that they don't know how beautiful they are? Note: Never put lyrics on a video screen unless it's already universally acknowledged that they don't suck. Especially if one of the lines is: "Satan loves a bomb scare but he won't scare you."

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Coldplay, "Lost+" (with Jay-Z) [song] [video]
Katy Perry, "I Kissed a Girl" [song] [video]
Jennifer Hudson, "You Pulled Me Through" [song] [video]