Q&A: Courtney Love Translated!

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Courtney Love
WRITTEN BY
Steve Kandell

Talk about a gig that couldn't have existed at any other point in time. Serial nonsense-espouser Courtney Love has begat her own much-needed translator to decipher her fat-fingered, stream-of-consciousness tweets, named, aptly, CLTranslated.

We asked the 25-year-old New Yorker (we're protecting her identity to save her from Courtney's inevitable visit, screaming at her window at three in the morning) how she discovered she had this...gift.

So, how exactly does one wind up becoming the de facto Twitter translator for Courtney Love? Do you have a degree in archaic languages?
She's been writing crazy shit on the Internet for a while and I would look at it and realize that everything she's trying to say is actually in there. It was like code, but no one else could read it. So I figured I'd set up a Twitter account to translate and in three days I had 500 followers, including Courtney, who told me I should change my user photo. Then she started to heckle me. Someone told me, "You and Kurt are probably the only two people who could understand her and look what happened to him."

How worried about are you about crossing her?
It's only a matter of time before she gets angry and turns on me like everyone else. She's really outspoken about people she hates. My last post was, "I need to take a break, she's trying to kill me." When I got home, I had eight direct messages from her. If she finds me, she will show up at my house.

Do you think this is a burgeoning cottage industry as more rock stars become addicted to social networking? Maybe someone could spend all day taking Kanye's posts out of caps lock?
I think that mine is a very Courtney-related skill. Someone asked me to translate Graham Coxon's Twitter but he was just posting nonsense. Courtney's actually trying to say something. She does a lot of her business on there, which is weird. I don't know if it's a gift or a curse. Just for fun, I'll reply to who she replies to, just to help.

How much of your life is this hobby swallowing up?
I work nights so I'm up already, but her peak hours of posting are between 4 and 7 in the morning. I showed up just as she was ranting incomprehensibly about finance stuff.

What other rock stars could benefit from your unique talent?
I specialize in trainwrecks. If we can get Amy Winehouse on Twitter, that would be cool.

Does Courtney consider the fact that she needs a translator to be a hint that she should consider spell-check? Or at least reading before she hits send?
She doesn't think she's incoherent at all. Which is awesome for me. It's not even a matter of getting grammar and syntax wrong so much as not caring that such things exist. Frances Bean tweeted that she wishes she could use this in real life.

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