"Did you recently see some punks at the mall, thought they looked sick and want to join the freak show? Well now you can with the kit that has everything you need." These are actual words selling something on Etsy: the Punk Starter Kit from HeineBorel of Boston, which wrongly purports to offer — for just $85.00 — protection from "other punks ... calling you a poser." H/t Consequence of Sound for this one.
According to the HeineBorel, this is what it takes to start your very own punk makeover:
-Bootstrap studded with small (your're just starting out) 77 cone studs
-Studded bracelet with bondage wring
-Totalitar and Varukers patches
PLUS: List of cool bands to listen to and of attitude and fashion faux pas for your new look.
With the irony of listing "cool" bands escaping this punk purveyor (unless it's all one big ball-gag, but probably not because there are previous sales), we can only wonder which attitude faux pas made the list. But don't worry, while this deal may just barely break the floodgates for wannabes, OGs can also enrich their auras with this curated style set: "Already punk? Look no further and buy this to add a little zing to your existing punk flare!"
Rest in pieces, Punk.