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Oasis’ Noel Gallagher Explains Onstage Attack

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Smack-talk extraordinaire, writer of time-honored Britpop tunes, narcotic counselor and much more — Noel Gallagher certainly has versatile bag of tricks. And now, the elder Oasis rocker has another to add to the mix: Prophet. Gallagher claims to have foreseen his attack onstage Sunday night in Toronto. “I knew something was going to happen last night,” Noel wrote on Oasis’ blog. “I said I had a bad feeling, didn’t I!? I’ll have to stop this prophesizing.”

Newfound wisdom aside — what happened, Noel?

“Someone, who can only be described as a ‘Canadian,’ was able to get onstage, somehow managed to evade our crack security team and assaulted my mid-riff,” Noel wrote. “Can’t say much more than that as the perpetrator’s gonna get the book thrown at him. Repeatedly. I feel like I’ve had a sparring session with [Manchester boxer] Ricky Hatton.”