My Bloody Valentine

0802_69lovesongs.jpg
WRITTEN BY
Dana Shapiro

(Click here to view the full-page, handwritten version of this letter)

Dear __________,

Your picture is still on my wall. A little black cloud in a dress, with your chrome heart shining in the sun -- so pretty when you're unfaithful to me. You don't look different but you have changed.

It's coming on Christmas. They're cutting down trees, they're putting up reindeer. It's so cold in this house. I can't stand the rain against my window. The bed's too big without you. I'll be sleeping with the television on, talking to the shadows from one o'clock till four, thinking how it used to be. It's a desperate situation. All I perceive is wasted and broken. Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss when the waitress turns around. I've been forgotten.

You don't love me and I know now. Nothing hurts like someone who knows everything about you leaving you behind.

Everybody's high on consolation. Who would've thought that a boy like me could come to this? I go walkin' after midnight, doing anything just to get you off of my mind. Confidentially, I never had much pride. But now I rock a bar stool and I drink for two. And then the jukebox plays a song I used to know:

"I used to fart under the covers and she'd just laugh.
She even cleaned my balls when we would take a bath."

There's always something there to remind me. I saw two shooting stars last night -- I wished on them but they were only satellites. Is it wrong to wish on space hardware? It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. Did you stand by me? No, not at all. Tell me, where did you sleep last night?

Oh shit. Don't speak. Shut up, 'cause I know all about it. You keep lyin' when you oughta be truthin'. Heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another you been messin' around. Your cheatin' heart, headed for the cheatin' side of town. Kind of evil make me wanna grab my submachine.

You thought you could keep this shit from me? Into the arms of Mr. Rebound -- that alley-cat-coat-wearin' crumbcake, like a matador with his pork sword. You swallow his kids? Lookee here, honey -- you don't need to be coy. Why'd ya do it? What'cha gonna say now? Lift me up, hold me, just like you told me you was gonna do. That's what I thought -- you're pitiful.

I wish I was as mellow as, for instance, Jackson Browne, but "Fountain of Sorrow" my ass, motherfucker. I've lost my equilibrium, my car keys, and my pride. There's only so much wine you can drink in one life, but it will never be enough to save you from the bottom of your glass. I'm glad that you're sorry, but it's too late, baby, now it's too late. Cry me a river. Here's a quarter, call someone who cares.

Wait. Give me my money back, you bitch. And don't forget to give me back my black T-shirt. Take my picture off the wall. Give back my TV. I don't wanna walk around with you. I don't like a thing about your mother and I hate your daddy's guts too. You can tell your dog to bite my leg. I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes -- you'd know what a drag it is to see you. You're just...a fuck. I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck. I'm taking pride in telling you to fuck off and die. Die, die, my darling. Just shut your pretty mouth. Don't call me anymore. And the next time your ass gets horny, go fuck one of your funky-ass friends.

I'd show you everywhere you're wrong but I'm never talking to you again. If the phone doesn't ring, you'll know that it's me.

Loveless,

__________

Dana Adam Shapiro is the codirector of the Oscar-nominated documentary Murderball and the author of The Every Boy (Houghton Mifflin).

Click to page 2 for a complete index of songs referenced in Shapiro's letter.

SONG INDEX
1. "Your picture is still on my wall" (Daniel Johnston, "Some Things Last a Long Time") 2. "A little black cloud in a dress" (Billy Bragg, "Must I Paint You a Picture") 3. "With your chrome heart shining in the sun" (Neil Young, "Long May You Run") 4. "So pretty when you're unfaithful to me" (Pixies, "Bone Machine") 5. "You don't look different but you have changed" (the Beatles, "I'm Looking Through You") 6. "It's coming on Christmas. They're cutting down trees, they're putting up reindeer" (Joni Mitchell, "River") 7. "It's so cold in this house" (Bloc Party, "Like Eating Glass") 8. "I can't stand the rain against my window" (Ann Peebles, "I Can't Stand the Rain") 9. "The bed's too big without you" (the Police, "The Bed's Too Big Without You") 10. "I'll be sleeping with the television on" (Billy Joel, "Sleeping With the Television On") 11. "Talking to the shadows from one o'clock 'til four" (Sarah Vaughan, Peggy Lee, Tricky, et al., "Black Coffee") 12. "Thinking how it used to be" (Led Zeppelin, "Tangerine") 13. "It's a desperate situation" (Marvin Gaye, "It's a Desperate Situation") 14. "All I perceive is wasted and broken" (Neutral Milk Hotel, "Where You'll Find Me Now") 15. "Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss when the waitress turns around" (Bright Eyes, "It's Cool, We Can Still Be Friends") 16. "I've been forgotten" (Bobby Vinton, "Mr. Lonely") 17. "You don't love me and I know now" (Dawn Penn, "You Don't Love Me [No, No, No]") 18. "Nothing hurts like someone who knows everything about you leaving you behind" (Eels, "Last Time We Spoke") 19. "Everybody's high on consolation" (Hall & Oates, "She's Gone") 20. "Who would've thought that a boy like me could come to this?" (Cutting Crew, "[I Just] Died in Your Arms") 21. "I go walkin' after midnight" (Patsy Cline, "Walkin' After Midnight") 22. "Doing anything just to get you off of my mind" (Player, "Baby Come Back") 23. "Confidentially, I never had much pride. But now I rock a bar stool and I drink for two" (They Might Be Giants, "Lucky Ball and Chain") 24. "And then the jukebox plays a song I used to know" (the Greg Kihn Band, "The Break-Up Song [They Don't Write 'Em]") 25. "I used to fart under the covers and she'd just laugh. She even cleaned my balls when we would take a bath" (Devin the Dude, "She's Gone") 26. "There's always something there to remind me" (Naked Eyes, "Always Something There to Remind Me") 27. "I saw two shooting stars last night; I wished on them but they were only satellites. Is it wrong to wish on space hardware?" (Billy Bragg, "A New England") 28. "It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time" (Green Day, "Good Riddance [Time of Your Life]") 29. "Did you stand by me? No, not at all" (the Clash, "Train in Vain") 30. "Tell me, where did you sleep last night?" (Lead Belly, Bill Monroe, Nirvana, et al., "Where Did You Sleep Last Night") 31. "Oh shit" (Buzzcocks, "Oh Shit") 32. "Don't speak" (No Doubt, "Don't Speak") 33. "Shut up" (Sunset Rubdown, "Shut Up, I'm Dreaming of Places Where Lovers Have Wings") 34. "'Cause I know all about it" (John Lee Hooker, "No Substitute") 35. "You keep lyin' when you oughta be truthin'" (Nancy Sinatra, "These Boots Are Made for Walking") 36. "Heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another you been messin' around" (REO Speedwagon, "Take It on the Run") 37. "Your cheatin' heart" (Hank Williams, "Your Cheatin' Heart") 38. "Headed for the cheatin' side of town" (the Eagles, "Lyin' Eyes") 39. "Kind of evil make me wanna grab my submachine" (Johnny Cash, "Delia's Gone") 40. "You thought you could keep this shit from me?" (Eamon, "Fuck It [I Don't Want You Back]") 41. "Into the arms of Mr. Rebound" (Richard Thompson, "Mr. Rebound") 42. "That alley-cat-coat-wearin'...crumbcake" (Oran "Juice" Jones, "The Rain") 43. "Like a matador with his pork sword" (Elvis Costello, "I Hope You're Happy Now") 44. "You swallow his kids?" (Ghostface Killah, feat. Ne-Yo, "Back Like That") 45. "Lookee here, honey" (Son House, "I Ain't Gonna Cry No More") 46. "You don't need to be coy" (Paul Simon, "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover") 47. "Why'd ya do it?" (Marianne Faithfull, "Why'd Ya Do It") 48. "What'cha gonna say now?" (the Magic Numbers, "Forever Lost") 49. "Lift me up, hold me, just like you told me you was gonna do. That's what I thought -- you're pitiful" (Eminem, "Go to Sleep") 50. "I wish I was as mellow as, for instance, Jackson Browne, but 'Fountain of Sorrow' my ass, motherfucker" (Tonio K., "H-A-T-R-E-D") 51. "I've lost my equilibrium, my car keys and my pride" (Tom Waits, "The One That Got Away") 52. "There's only so much wine you can drink in one life, but it will never be enough to save you from the bottom of your glass" (the Handsome Family, "So Much Wine") 53. "I'm glad that you're sorry" (Connie Francis, "Who's Sorry Now") 54. "But it's too late, baby, now it's too late" (Carole King, "It's Too Late") 55. "Cry me a river" (Justin Timberlake, "Cry Me a River") 56. "Here's a quarter, call someone who cares" (Travis Tritt, "Here's a Quarter, (Call Someone Who Cares)") 57. "Wait" (White Lion "Wait") 58. "Give me my money back, you bitch.... And don't forget to give me back my black T-shirt" (Ben Folds Five, "Song for the Dumped") 59. "Take my picture off the wall.... Give back my TV" (Uncle Tupelo, "Give Back the Key to My Heart") 60. "I don't wanna walk around with you" (Ramones, "I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You") 61. "I don't like a thing about your mother and I hate your daddy's guts, too" (Ugly Kid Joe, "Everything About You") 62. "You can tell your dog to bite my leg" (Billy Ray Cyrus, "Achy Breaky Heart") 63. "I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you" (Bob Dylan, "Positively 4th Street") 64. "You're just...a fuck. I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck. I'm taking pride in telling you to fuck off and die" (Green Day, "F.O.D. [Fuck Off and Die]") 65. "Die, die, my darling. Just shut your pretty mouth" (the Misfits, "Die, Die My Darling") 66. "Don't call me anymore" (Megadeath, "1000 Times Goodbye") 67. "And the next time your ass gets horny, go fuck one of your funky ass friends" (R. Kelly, "Real Talk") 68. "I'd show you everywhere you're wrong, but I'm never talking to you again" Hüsker Dü ("Never Talking to You Again") 69. "If the phone doesn't ring, you'll know that it's me" (Jimmy Buffett, "If the Phone Doesn't Ring It's Me")

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