Why did so many musical figures use dubious metaphors this week? We cannot answer that question. But we can compile them into a list for you. Disclaimer: Technically, several of these are not literal metaphors (some are similes! some are straight-up comparisons!), but for the sake of rhetoric, we hope you'll forgive us like the Vatican forgave John Lennon.
5. T.I. and His Ammunition:
We already brought you this one, but the recently incarcerated-for-arsenal-possession rapper selected a poor choice of words earlier this week when explaining his upcoming follow-up to 2008's Paper Trail to MTV, explaining that he's "got a lot of ammunition; I'm about to start shootin'." What, like how you told all those kids not to?
4. Russell Simmons and Middle East Beef:
In an interview with the AP while in Israel at the behest of President Shimon Peres, the hip-hop godfather regrettably explained that all it'll take to resolve the decades-long, highly delicate and complicated Israeli-Palestinian conflict is a little bit of "dialogue and understanding" — "like a rap beef". We sincerely hope he doesn't mean this one. Or worse, this one.
3. Troy Carter and His Overweight Holy Savior:
In an interview at the recent Music Matters conference in Singapore, Lady Gaga's manager Troy Carter responded to questions about Mother Monster's rise to stardom, saying that she hadn't "made it" yet while also finding a way to call her a "200-lb. toddler." He also likened her southeast Asia-infuriating escapades to Jesus Christ getting crucified. The only reason this one isn't further up on our WTF meter is because Gaga's Little Monsters probably agree with that child-of-God assessment, though they likewise would question Carter's ability to estimate the average woman's weight, let alone a fitness-obsessed popstar's.
2. Sebastian Ingrosso and the Beatles: As part of its electronic-centric issue this week, Rolling Stone did a follow-up interview with Swedish House Mafia's Sebastian Ingrosso Wednesday night, asking his opinion of a jab Deadmau5 took (among myriad others — see below) at David Guetta and other "button-pushing" DJs. After pointing out that he and his two "bandmates" (DJ-mates? we dunno; it's Friday) do far more than press buttons, he took the opportunity to muse, “I kind of analyze music a lot, and I think that what the Beatles have done is what we do today. [It] doesn’t matter that we do dance music.” Hmmm.
1. Deadmau5 and Madonna (again): As mentioned earlier, EDM takes a front seat in Rolling Stone this week. Deadmau5 takes the cover, and in his interview for the story, he went off yet again on Madonna for her casual non-reference to MDMA at Ultra Fest earlier this year, but did so in more colorful words this time: "If you're gonna come into my world, at least do it with a little more dignity," he said. "I understand she has millions more fans, and is way more successful than I'll ever be. But it's like talking about slavery at a fucking blues concert. It's inappropriate." While drugs have been blamed for problems at EDM festivals recently, we'd offer that drug culture and 200+ years of social and institutional oppression of an entire population based on its skin color aren't exactly the same thing.
Honorable Mention: Nas' Producer and Amy Winehouse: Salaam Remi told MTV that Nas' forthcoming 10th album Life is Good reminded him of Amy Winehouse's 2007 Grammy-winning record, Back to Black, which more or less chronicles the late, substance abuse-plagued singer's general assertion that life is not, in fact, that great. We haven't heard Nas' full record yet, though, so we can't judge — yet.