Jack White Hilariously Accepts Guinness World Records Challenge

Third Man will try to say the most metaphors per concert

Jack White, thinking of a metaphor / Photo by Jo McCaughey
Jack White, thinking of a metaphor / Photo by Jo McCaughey
Devon Maloney WRITTEN BY
Devon Maloney

Yesterday, Jack White got some sassy return fire from Guinness World Records, who he claimed was an "elitist organization" for allegedly turning down the White Stripes' 2007 bid for World's Shortest Performance with their one-note concert in St. John's, Newfoundland. Guinness retorted, in a statement, that the Stripes had in fact been included, but that the category had to be nixed after a zillion bands began submitting their challenges to the White Stripes' title. The group suggested that White figure out a new record to set.

Last night, White and Third Man issued a hilarious statement, accepting Guinness' "challenge," vowing to "break the world record for most metaphors in a single concert" and effectively un-grounding the rest of the Jack White tour from any semblance of reality:

The attempt may prove very exhausting and at times even dangerous, but the results could prove to be glorious and possibly even vainglorious. White and Third Man Records are certain that the extremely scientific and intricate analysis of the metaphors that occur will be examined in accordance with Guinness' usually very thorough methods probably, or at the very least if somebody answers the phone at the pub.

Third Man Records encourages all attendees of said concerts to please not interfere or interject with any metaphors that they witness occur during the show as to not disqualify or worse yet, trivialize the metaphor in question. In addition all concert attendees are encouraged to entice as many metaphors to occur during the show that they possibly can as long as they don't endanger themselves or Mr. White.

Take that, elitists! We'll be seeing Mr. White perform at Hangout Fest this weekend, and you can bet we'll be counting those metaphors (but no similes!)

Remaining Dates on Jack White 2012 Tour
May 18-20 - Gulf Shores, AL - The Hangout Music Fest
May 19 - Asheville, NC - The Orange Peel
May 21- New York, NY - Roseland Ballroom
May 22 - New York, NY - Roseland Ballroom
May 24 - Detroit, MI - Scottish Rite Theater
May 24 - Detroit, MI - Scottish Rite Theater  (all ages matinee show)
May 26 - George, WA - Sasquatch Music Festival
May 27 - Vancouver, BC - Queen Elizabeth Theatre
May 28 - Eugene, OR - Hult Center for the Performing Arts (Silva Concert Hall)
May 30 - Los Angeles, CA - The Wiltern
May 31 - Los Angeles, CA - The Wiltern
June 21 - London, UK - O2 Academy Broxton
June 22 - London, UK - Hammersmith Apollo
June 23 - Hackney Marshes, London, UK - Radio 1's Hackney Weekend
June 25 - Amsterdam, NL - Heineken Music Hall
June 26 - Berlin, Germany - Tempodrom
June 27 - Cologne, Germany - E-Werk
June 29 -Werchter, Belgium - Rock Werchter
July 1 - Belfort, France - Les Eurockeennes
July 2 - Paris, France - L'Olympia
July 3 - Paris, France - L'Olympia
July 5 - Hamburg, Germany - Docks
July 5-8 - Roskilde, Denmark - Roskilde Festival
July 20-22 - Dover, Delaware - Firefly Music Festival
July 25 - Melbourne, Australia - Festival Hallm
July 26 - Sydney, Australia - Hordern Pavillion
July 27 - Byron Bay, Australia - Splendour In The Grass Festival
July 27-29 - Niigata, Japan - Fuji Rock Festival
August 3-5 - Chicago, IL - Lollapalooza
August 8 - Morrison, CO - Red Rocks Amphitheater
August 10-12 - San Francisco, CA - Outside Lands

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