Now, I know what you're thinking; you're thinking, "I have already found the band of my dreams, and they are called Maroon 5." But try to think beyond conventional reality. Everyone who likes music has probably fantasized about their version of the perfect lineup for the perfect band. This is something people do when they are 14, or stoned, or 14 and stoned. This is something I occasionally bring up to strangers in casual conversation, and I always expect them to dismiss the exercise as a waste of time; to my surprise, they never do.

Here's the idea: You must build the ideal rock band. You need a singer, a guitarist, a bass player, a drummer, and one "wild card" (this musician can play whatever you choose and provide backing vocals). The rules are as follows:

1) You can't take more than one member from any given existing group.

2) You can't pick Frank Sinatra or Elvis Presley as your vocalist.

3) You can't pick Jimi Hendrix as your guitar player.

4) If you pick a bassist who sings (like Les Claypool) or a drummer who sings (like Don Henley) or a guitarist who sings (like Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine), he (or she) can't sing in this particular band. They can play their specific instrument only. Also, if you select Les Claypool or Don Henley, you're a prick.

5) You can't pick John Bonham as your drummer. You also can't pick Animal from The Muppet Show.

At first glance, this might look easy. But the more you think it over, the more challenging it seems. This is because your Dream Band is not supposed to be an all-star team of your favorite musicians. These five artists are actually supposed to record an album and tour. As a consequence, certain lineups simply will not work. It would be a bad idea to make deceased blues legend Robert Johnson your singer if Swedish ax virtuoso Yngwie Malmsteen is your guitarist. These personas would not gel (although I suppose they might end up sounding like Living Colour).

I've been considering this for roughly 20 years, so my lineup is probably unbeatable: It's Black Sabbath's Tony Iommi on guitar, Parliament-Funkadelic's Bootsy Collins on bass, Mötley Crüe's Tommy Lee on drums, and Prince as my multi-instrumental wild card. My frontwoman will be Karen Carpenter. This, I feel, would be the ultimate funk-metal wedding band (the group's name would be Doomed Honeymoon).

So here is what I want you to do: Come up with your own Dream Band using the parameters I've established. E-mail your lineup (and the band's name) to maroon5disciple@aol.com. Enter as many times as you like, because--honestly--what the fuck do I care? And here is the prize: If I feel your Dream Band is good enough to legitimately rock the cosmos, I will personally turn your dream into a reality. I will call all prospective musicians on their home telephones. I will convince them that this opportunity is perfect. I will sign them to a recording contract. And I will immediately fly them (and you) to New York City for rehearsals. Your Dream Band will meet with you and me, as well as proven hit-makers Glen Ballard and Desmond Child. Together, we will create a 28-song double album (you will be responsible for the lyrics, and you may also have to mike the drums). Upon the record's release, your Dream Band will embark on a 26-city club tour. The opening act will be Maroon 5.

Perhaps you still have questions. Perhaps you find yourself saying, "Chuck, this will never work. Many of the prospective band members I want to select are already dead." However, that will not be an issue: We have robots. We will build robots, and they will rock you. We have robots. And we have dreams.