"Guess who? Did you miss me?"
So begins Eminem's long-awaited comeback video for "We Made You," the first official single offhis May 19 release Relapse. (Watch video below.) It's clear the rapper knows the answer to his question -- and he's eager to reward patient fans with more Eminem antics than ever to make up for the wait.
Em warned us that the Joseph Khan-directed video would contain some celeb-bashing: "It's not necessarily intentional bashing -- it's not necessarily taking deliberate shots at people," he told MTV, before reconsidering and confirming, "Yes, it is. What the fuck am I talking about?"
The video opens with Em cheekily reintroducing himself before inviting a female vocalist he refers to as "Jessica Simpson" to "take it to the chorus": "When you walked through the door it was clear to me / You're the one they adore, who they came to see / You're a rock star, everybody wants you / Player, who can really blame you? / We're the ones who made you."
Those lyrics go along with that whole reverse psychology thing Em prepped us for: "Hot chicks who don't want me, I'm telling them they do," he said of the video's sly approach. "It's kind of like a reverse-psychology thing, and I'm gonna see if the record comes out and it works."
Em probably doesn't have trouble getting a date, but this video will rule out candidates Jessica Simpson (pictured via a voluptuous impersonator seen wolfing hamburgers throughout) and Kim Kardashian (portrayed by an actress whose back side expands to such a degree that it knocks her dining partner Eminem off his chair, who later stuffs her into a wood chipper-type machine Fargo-style).
And the bashing doesn't stop there: Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson get shout-outs ("Lindsay, please come back to seeing men --Samantha's a two, you're practically a ten"), as do Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres: Em is pictured crashing "Ellen's set" to give Portia a charley horse, apologizing and then asking, "What does Ellen DeGeneres have that I don't? Are you telling me tenderness?"
The rapper insists "he does not mean to lesbian offend" before turning his attention to other targets: Appearing disguised as John Mayer in order to woo his ex Jennifer Aniston ("Jennifer's in love with me, John Mayer, so sit on the bench"), advising "Britney Spears" on her drug habits, surprising "Jessica Alba" in the shower, and making out with "Amy Winehouse" in jail. He's also seen sporting an Eskimo hat while seducing "Sarah Palin" as an extra costumed as a polar bear frolics in the background.
But it's not just about celebrity satire -- Em also drops in on some famous scenes from pop culture. He jumps from his own version of Bret Michaels' Rock of Love to an Elvis-styled "Jailhouse Rock" sequence, to Star Trek's Enterprise (with Em as Spock and Dr. Dre as Captain Kirk) to the Vegas casino from Rain Man(Em is Dustin Hoffman's character, Dr. Dre steps into the Tom Cruise Role, and 50 Cent makes a cameo as a fellow gambler). There's even a bit of special effects action: Em's car morphs into a Transformer following a tussle with LiLo and Sam Ronson.
"You think that's bad, you should hear the rest of my album," he promises.
Eminem is back... thank god.
Watch the video for "We Made You" below. Then leave your thoughts in the comment section.
WATCH: Eminem, "We Made You"