Ten Songs You Shouldn't Put on Your Friend's Good-bye Mix CD If He's GoingOff to Rehab
- "Cigarettes & Alcohol" Oasis
- "Gin & Juice" Snoop Dogg
- "Sorted for E's & Wizz" Pulp
- "Who's Got the Crack" the Moldy Peaches
- "Heroin" the Velvet Underground
- "Purple Pills" D12
- "I'm Your Pusher" Ice-T
- "Drug Drug Druggy" Manic Street Preachers
- "My Drug Buddy" the Lemonheads
- "Let's Go Get Stoned" Ray Charles
The Five Most Coked-Up Songs Ever
- "Cocaine," Eric Clapton
- "White Horse," Laid Back
- "Lit Up," Buckcherry
- Every track on The Eagles' Hotel California
- Every track on Fleetwood Mac's Tusk
Ten Things Believed Only by Stoners
- The Black Crowes' Amorica is just an all-around stellar album.
- Kyuss was the most important band of the '90s.
- Valerie Bertinelli is so hot--and also so lucky.
- The Clash should have made even more reggae songs.
- Hendrix's "If 6 Was 9" is not only awesome, but also so true.
- Quadrophenia is completely biblical.
- The guitars on My Bloody Valentine's Loveless sound like whales having sex--and those whales are totally high.
- That kid from the Streets is like Dylan or Lennon or something.
- "The Man" is out to stomp on not only our buzz but also our right to download loosely executed songs featuring hand drums.
- The Chronic is the best hip-hop album of 2002.
Top Five Alcoholic Beverages You'll Find in a Rapper's Dressing Room
- Grey Goose
Top Five Alcoholic Beverages You'll Find in a Rocker's Dressing Room
- Jack Daniel's
- Wild Turkey
- What the club gives you drink tickets for
Top Ten Reggae Songs About Kind Bud
- "Legalize It," Peter Tosh
- "One Draw," Rita Marley
- "Macka Splaff," Steel Pulse
- "Free Up the Weed," Lee Perry
- "African Herbsman," Bob Marley
- "Just a Little Herb," Aswad
- "Let Me Blow My Smoke," the Ethiopians
- "Ganja Smuggling," Eek-A-Mouse
- "Good Load of Herb," Sizzla
- "Legalize the Herb," Ninjaman
Things Ravers Do on Drugs
- Explore K-holes, fall down, grab head in pain
- Blow through Vicks inhaler tubes into one another's eyeballs (don't ask)
- Wear big pants, grind teeth
- Liquid dance
- Exchange back rubs, go into cardiac arrest
Things Ravers Say on Drugs
- "I'm mad old-school."
- "I love you so much--Can I have another bump?"
- "Do you have a pen cap or a key I can borrow?"
- "Wow, Digweed doesn't sound like shit anymore!"
- "And I mean, it's like we're all linked together on the inside. Like we're bound together by this beat, and--oh shit--I gotta puke!"
Prescription Drugs Rock Stars Enjoy (Or, Six Things Found in Elvis' Stomach When He Died)
Most Poignant Eulogy Ever for a Drug-Related Death:
"Somebody was jumping up and down on his fuckin' knob in a hotel room in Las Vegas, charlie'd off his tits! Fuckin' respect, man!" --Noel Gallagher on late Who bassist John Entwistle, who died of a cocaine-related heartattack in 2002
Artists Who Have Used Heroin....And Later OD'd
- Kurt Cobain
- Sid Vicious
- Dee Dee Ramone
- Layne Staley
- John Frusciante
- Scott Weiland
- Brad Nowell (Sublime)
- Marianne Faithfull
Songs You Want to Hear in Relation to How Many Beers You've Had
1 beer: "Get the Party Started," Pink
2 beers: "Last Nite," the Strokes
3 beers: "Gin & Juice," Snoop Dogg
4 beers: "24 Hour Party People," Happy Mondays
5 beers: "Electric Avenue," Eddy Grant
v6 beers: "Baby Got Back," Sir Mix-A-Lot
7 beers: "Panama," Van Halen
8 beers: "Any Way You Want It," Journey
9 beers: "Piano Man," BillyJoel
10 beers: "Sweet Home Alabama," Lynyrd Skynyrd
11 beers: "Sweet Home Alabama," Lynyrd Skynyrd
12 beers: "Sweet Home Alabama," Lynyrd Skynyrd
13 beers: "Tuesday's Gone," Lynyrd Skynyrd
14 beers: "I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive," Hank Williams
Five Anti-Heroin Songs That Unintentionally Romanticize Heroin
- "Bad," U2
- "The Needle and the Damage Done," Neil Young
- "Cold Turkey," John Lennon
- "Three Days," Jane's Addiction
- "Sister Morphine," Marianne Faithfull
Five Examples of Inventive Drug Use
- "Sippin' on Some Syrup," Three 6 Mafia (cough medicine)
- "Strap on That Jammy Pac," Ween (Scotchgard)
- "Canned Heat Blues," Tommy Johnson (Sterno)
- "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue," Ramones
- "Carbona Not Glue," older and wiser Ramones (cleaning fluid)
Albums You're Most Likely to Hear at a Laser Show
- II, Led Zeppelin
- IV, Led Zeppelin
- The Dark Side of the Moon, Pink Floyd
- Yessongs, Yes
- OK Computer, Radiohead
- 2112, Rush
- Quadrophenia, the Who
- Aqualung, Jethro Tull
- A Night at the Opera, Queen
- Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space, Spiritualized