There are either no words or far too many words for what you are about to see above and below. Country legend Dolly Parton hit The Queen Latifah Show to perform a "rap song" in which she big-ups her bosom, shouts-out Oprah's "afro" (?), and trolls her goddaughter Miley Cyrus by attempting to twerk ... using that aforementioned bosom. For posterity's sake, you can file "Whoo! Look at them go!" as Shit "Black" Parton Says.
To be fair, the 67-year-old looks pretty stunning in her 2 Chainz-themed outfit with her hair teased into a fluff-splosion, and she does that adorable titter-laugh thing so well, but hearing the sounds "yo" and "da" forced out of those lips is a little bit (okay, a lot bit) cringe-y. No better are references to a "redneck mafia" backed by Duck Dynasty, or Parton's sharing the title of "white trash princess" with Honey Boo Boo.
Thankfully, LL Cool J and Brad Paisley gave us a handy tool by which we can decode this moment. Or have you already forgotten that lil-bit-country, lil-big-WTF hit, "Accidental Racist"? In any case, Parton's appearance is slated for Monday, October 21, on the show, which is part of the CBS midday lineup. Not all of the aforementioned, um, highlights are in the clip above. If you can muster it, watch the rest here: