All the click-baiting controversy over Beyoncé Doing What Everybody Else Does, Only Way Better is distracting us from real issues. No, not the budget deficit — doesn't anybody read Paul Krugman? — and unfortunately we don't even mean the latest twist in the Manti Te'o soap opera (they're saying Ronaiah Tuiasosopo's cousin Tino did it). The really disconcerting news coming from Beyoncé's camp these days involves the planned Destiny's Child reunion during her upcoming Super Bowl halftime show performance.
According to Us Weekly, an "insider" says that Beyoncé, with fellow Destiny's Child members Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams, will sing a hits medley that starts with "Bills, Bills, Bills" and "Survivor" and ends with new song "Nuclear." It's not entirely clear from Us' phrasing whether that means other songs might pop up in between "Survivor" and "Nuclear," but as reported that medley leaves a lot to be desired.
Let's count the ways. For starters, there's no "Say My Name," though the slinky suspicious-boyfriend interrogation spent three weeks atop the Hot 100. Or what about "Jumpin', Jumpin'," another hit from 1999's The Writing's on the Wall that's celebratory enough for the big game and also still relevant — R. Kelly's recent "Feelin' Single" could've almost been a male-perspective answer song.
And you can hardly read an article about the reunion that doesn't mention 2001's guitar-centric "jelly" jam "Bootylicious" — which, through its use of a sample, would also be a convenient excuse for a surprise Stevie Nicks guest appearance. Sure, that'd be bizarre and a potential trainwreck of M.I.A.'s-middle-finger proportions. But it would be good television, and hey, Fleetwood Mac are touring...
So the debate isn't whether Bey lip-synced at the inauguration or whether she'll lip-sync at the Super Bowl. The use of pre-recorded tracks for huge live events like those is mind-numbingly ordinary. No, the pressing public issue today is why Queen B refuses to give us "Bootylicious."
Still, Us' source does say she'll be opening with her great (Jay-Z-guesting, cough cough) "Crazy in Love." Oh, Beyoncé, we can never stay mad at you.