50 Cent Sues Taco Bell, Sense of Humor Makes Run for the Border
News
50 Cent
The U.S. Mint
Its resulting coins and greenbacks may not conjure his likeness, a la Traffix, Inc.'s controversial banner ads, but the U.S Mint's moolah indisputably connotes value that equals or adds up to the very total indicated by his MC moniker. If 50 wants true liberty for his credibility, he should head to the Mint in Philadelphia and demand they cease production on half-dollars, and eliminate the penny by simply incorporating its single-cent status into the base worth of nickels, dime, or any other silver ne'er-do-wells.
50 Shekel
How Israeli-American rapper Aviad Cohen, aka 50 Shekel, avoided the courtroom ire of 50 Cent is confounding, to say the least. Perhaps it's because the "Jew Unit" leader eschewed his life of holy hedonism and found a savior he and his namesake likely have closer in common -- Jesus. But despite Shekel's shedding of his previous persona, wouldn't it behoove the still-active 50 to seek out any of the artist formerly known as Shekel's past download sales or concert-income receipts and pillage the former funnyman's accumulated earnings?
Thecandyshop.com
How dare you taunt us with your delectable chocolate-covered gummy bears and salty, salty cashews, candy website galore as if you didn't know you were playing a perilous game of Russian Roulette with both our taste buds and your own livelihood? Sure, you may have trademarked the name for Internet commerce purposes and secured the domain way back when through Go Daddy after you saw that Super Bowl ad. But 50 has clearly eclipsed all previously existing formal connotations of the phrase in popular consciousness with his worldwide smash, "Candy Shop." Thereby, you, oh devilish online confectionary destination, surely owe him retroactive royalties for any incidental traffic driven your way.
The Jackson 5: Why stop at interest-conflicting usages of your stage name? After all, Michael, Jermaine, Tito, and the bunch not only share the Jackson surname, but included in their collective branding one-half of the double-digit numerical quantifier that signifies your microphone mastery. Using the aforementioned logic in the case against Thecandyshop.com, a few confused, or perhaps reading-impaired, record purchasers -- having seen your name so often in headline-grabbing legalese -- invariably snagged a copy of the Jackson 5's 1984 opus Victory rather than your record-shattering 2005 earth-shaker The Massacre. Besides, you're just about the only one not suing Michael Jackson for being molested.
Have any further suggestions of how 50 Cent can find ways other than making records to fund, say, a second dance club in his gigantic mansion? Post below.
07.25.08 11:23 AM
Listen. Big business has been suing the little man for years and years. It is about time these corporations got a taste of their own medicine. The way this article was written, you'd think the author was an employee of Taco Bell. Trying to make them look all innocent, like it was alittle joke. If 50 Cent was being sued by Taco Bell, how would this article have read? I know how. Having professionally worked in the music business for 10 years as a recording engineer, I have many platinum albums on my wall. I know how Hip Hop is used to boost business. The execs at Taco Bell must have thought they were dealing with some ignorant rapper, with their ridiculous $10,000 offer for a charity. If that was Cold Play, or some other notable act the offer would have been more handsome. When are you jokers going to learn, We know Hip Hop boost sales in every genre! Thus, in GOD you trust! Still, they refuse to recognize and respect us. Well in this case, they will recognize their pockets will be missing about $4 million! Ha ha, Good for 50 Cent....Get Money!!!