The Power of Positive Puking
Headbanger/motivational speaker Andrew W.K. becomes our life coach for a day.
Existential discussions may not seem to mix with kegstand anthems, but to Andrew W.K., the relentlessly sweaty rocker who has advised the world to both “Party Hard” and “Party ‘Til You Puke,” the two go together like, well, having fun and regurgitating. While he opens a club in New York, releases last year’s import-only Close Calls With Brick Walls domestically, and preps two other albums, our knight in white denim makes time to share his positivethinking philosophies with equally enthusiastic audiences on his High-Way Party Cruiser tour. I’m not afraid to admit I have issues, and while they’re nothing an overpaid shrink can’t tackle, why lie on a musty couch when I could be guided down the path to self-improvement by guy who smashes his own face with cinder blocks?
Even though I adore my otherwise perfect boyfriend, his army of female friends irrationally infuriates me.
ANDREW SAYS: “Say to yourself, ‘I am happy, I love this man, I love this relationship.'”
IN ACTION: When my boyfriend goes to meet an ex for drinks, I feel a tantrum coming on. I repeat Andrew’s rainbows-and-warm-fuzzies mantra, occupying my mind just enough to avoid lunatic girl-rage.
Self-Assertion in the Workplace
I’m having a rough time getting my coworkers on board with a project.
ANDREW SAYS: “Shift your focus and energies from obsessing over what is bad, and constantly challenge yourself to find the good element.”
IN ACTION: I go into a tough meeting thinking happy thoughts, and my enthusiasm is contagious. I emerge victorious, with key people enlisting in my cause.
I’ve got writer’s block — no ideas, no motivation.
ANDREW SAYS: “It’s your mind’s way of telling you to open up and relax. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt that you are perfect. You are about to do, in whatever time it comes, that ‘perfect thing.'”
IN ACTION: I quit thinking about creative projects and instead take more naps. Let’s check back in six months and see where this has gotten me.
I know I owe a lot in taxes, but I’m too paralyzed by fear to even call my accountant.
ANDREW SAYS: “Think, ‘Paying this money allows me to live here.’ Don’t panic.”
IN ACTION: I finally call the bean counter, but subsequently keep “forgetting” to send him my documents — clearly, I’m so not panicked I’m downright nonchalant.
I need to buy a swimsuit, but I haven’t been to the gym since February 2006.
ANDREW SAYS: “Change your expectations of the ideal. Tell yourself, ‘I wanted to look like I look, or else I wouldn’t look this way.'”
IN ACTION: I try on a fetching bikini and actually like what I see in the mirror, even the mushy spots. But thanks to the good folks at the IRS, it’s gonna take more than a pep talk to make this purchase a reality.
More Body Image
I haven’t been to the gym since February 2006.
ANDREW SAYS: “Shift your attitude from ‘I need to’ to ‘I want to.’ The motivation should come from within; if it’s external, you put it off.”
IN ACTION: At the gym, I tell myself that I want to take care of my body, but not even Andrew W.K. can ease the pain caused by an unforgiving spinning-bike seat.