By: Jessica Grose
Bling Kong isn’t a band. With a clothing line, an advice column (band “member” Cocksucker answers sexual queries on the band’s website), four cheerleaders, and a veejay, Bling Kong is a media conglomerate, at least in the 718 area code. It all began when a friend created a T-shirt design spoofing an old King Kong movie poster, and on one drunken evening, guitarist Brad Bennett and ten of his closest buddies decided to form a band just to sell the T-shirts. The resulting Bling Kong sound: reform school cheerleaders backed by guys with an equal love for the Runaways, Electric Six, and penis humor.
Almost every song on Bling Kong’s debut EP, Do the Awesome, features some kind of perverted cheer, the most memorable coming on “Enter Bling Kong”: “Is that your cock? / Oh! Let me see / I want to ride it / Like a Kawasaki / B-L-I-N-G-K-O-N-G, let’s go!” In fact, almost every track is a paean to the penis. “Bling Kong Is Red Hot,” is a stripped down, 18-second anthem on which a dozen voices chant: “Bling Kong is R-E-D red H-O-T hot / Once you suck our dicks can’t stop!”
Bling Kong is ideal for those missing the days of freshly adolescent Mad Libs or disgruntled former cheerleaders looking to release years of pent-up sexual aggression. They’re playing in Brooklyn at Northsix on Friday, Dec. 9. Cocksucker will be waiting, and hopes his guests are on time: “[L]adies and gents,” he writes in his online advice column, “you never, ever, ever leave a gigantic dick waiting!”
